My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids ages 15, 10, & 9. Two weeks before this last Christmas I found out that he was having an EA with someone he met in a chat room (she lives in England). I was devastated. He promised to end the EA and stated that she knew all along if I were to find out then he would choose me over her with no question. I started to try dealing with the EA and trying to understand why it all started. The day after Christmas I found a hidden screen name that he had been using to communicate with her throughout the holiday season. Again I was devastated and confronted him. This time he said that he couldn't do it anymore and that he was tired of trying to make our marriage work. He said that he hadn't loved me for the past three years and that he had been faking it the whole time. This was news to me. I thought the past three years had been some of our happiest. We had come close to separating three years before but decided to stay together and had fallen in love all over again. His parents, on the other hand, had gotten divorced around the time we recommitted to our relationship. As a result of the divorce and other hardships we had to admit his mother into the mental ward of her local hospital. Of course I did the whole begging and pleading thing which did nothing but get him to say the whole I love you but I'm not in love you with you line.
By the end of the conversation he revealed that he needed to go to rehab for an addiction to pain meds and that he had been taking our son's Adderal for the past several days. The following day (12/27) was our 11th anniversary. We spent the day together and it was fairly decent. He told me that he still loved me and that he didn't know what he wanted and that he hoped going to rehab would be the beginning of figuring things out. I hoped so too. He went into rehab on 1/1/09 and stayed for 10 days. While in rehab he was diagnosed as having rapid cycling Bipolar II disorder and was placed on Celexa.
He came home and things seemed to be starting out well. I was trying to be understanding and he was trying to be sober in the same situation he had been trying to cope with high. Let me back track for a moment. He's been unemployed since Jan '08. His license is suspended because of unpaid tickets and he has a bench warrant for a failure to appear in court. He originally had planned to stay home with the kids until they went back to school in the summer and then look for a job in town.
After a few days of being at home he started becoming withdrawn. He said that he couldn't handle being around me and that he felt that I was the only thing that was triggering him to want to get high again. He said that I caused physical reactions in him. He would start to get itchy when I was around and when I was about to come home from work he would get panic attacks and start to feel anxious. For the life of me I couldn't/can't understand what I could have possibly done that would cause these kinds of reactions in him. He ended up moving onto the couch and pretty much only talking to me if necessary. It got to the point that he would ask me to leave the living room because he did not want me in the same room. Those were some of the most hurtful things I have ever heard come from him. This was a man who would tell me that I was the love of his life, that I was the female version of him, that I was every man's dream wife. This same man was now telling me that he couldn't stand to be around me. When I would ask him why he wouldn't be able to answer. He would only say, "I don't know, it's just how I'm feeling."
He moved out 3 weeks ago. The week he was leaving I found out that he was once again talking to his online GF (he had stopped talking to her just before he went to rehab, or so he claims). This time he didn't want to stop. He says that he has feelings for her and that he doesn't know where their relationship is going to go. He's now talking divorce and saying that there is no hope for us whatsoever and that I need to learn how to live life without him. The kids were over at his house yesterday and he was texting his GF while cuddling with our daughter. She actually saw some of what he was saying to her and told me when she got home. Can we say daggers being jabbed into my heart?
I am reading DR and trying like hell to use the techniques suggested. I've done some 180s and have not contacted him unless it was about the kids, I'm trying to be happy and positive whenever I'm in his presence, and I'm not talking about the R or the OW. I'm also going back to school for a degree in radiology this summer. I have no clue if he's noticing these things and missing me or if he's noticing them and thinking sweet, she's moving on.
So there's my story in a nutshell (a really big one). I've left out some things, but I think I've gone on long enough. Thanks for reading. Any comments would be greatly appreciated.
