how do you start the process of who gets what and how etc., and still come off like a nice guy?
You don't.
There's either mediated divorce or divorce court. In mediation, it is said, things go more quickly and more smoothly. In court, you lawyer-up and they have at it. It all depends on what the stakes are. WAW and I know a divorce attorney who has literally had clients who took furniture to pieces with a chainsaw rather than let the other have it. Okay, that's a bit extreme.
But there's no point in falling on your sword when it comes to dividing up the goods -- she's not going come to her senses and say, "Gosh, he's letting me have the side table -- my knight in shining armor!"
It's going to come down to valuation -- how much you want X, how much she wants X, and what the possible trade-offs are.
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My story? The usual one. After months/years with an undiagnosed case of DAMS -- dumb-ass man syndrome -- WAW dropped the bomb after I got back from a business trip. She loves me but isn't in love with me. She built a wall. She can't stay for the kids. The misery, the agony. She HAS to do this -- it's her only chance at happiness. Oh, and disregard that guy in Upstate City that I text and e-mail and fantasize about all the time.
