The adventure continues

[AFWAW]

Damn, she came over to drop off the truck and made the comment of if I hadn't deployed then this wouldn't have happened. I said, I was only gone 7 month--why won't you work on this with me? She said I don't want to. She said I like being alone. She asked me why I hadn't gotten over this yet. I told her it wasn't that easy for me. I said I can't be as cold as you. She said I'm not being cold. I said, it sure feels that way. She said I like being alone. I don't want to be married to you or anyone. I like my alone time. I said you don't have to be divorced to have alone time. Didn't you enjoy our date the other day? She said she did. I asked her why she still said she loved me and didn't want a divorce the other day yet she persists on going down this path? She said, I don't want a divorce right now. I said, that's not what you said. She said I just don't know. She said I have to go. Give me a call in a little while.

Now I know fundamental DBing says don't pursue with these type of questions but this approach is not working. She seems happier when I leave her alone. She left looking damn guilty. God, I want her to come back but I'm certain she doesn't want to right now anyway. What is the deal? Why did 7 months make that big of difference. She said she'd never been alone before. What is the big deal about being alone? How can this possibly make her happy? AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More importantly, why does my heart feel like it is rebreaking every damn day? Why is this so agonizing and why haven't I dryed up a little bit?