I've actually been considering doing the divorce and stop prolonging the agony. But I go back and forth with that. Then I think about starting to date in hopes that having someone else in my life I wouldn't care what the hell H does. But I go back and forth with that too.
I just think from what you've posted here, you dont' sound ready to D or date. D is so difficult and messy you have to be 100% sure to file I think. I know dating sounds like fun and doing what your H is doing would help, but I don't think in the long run it would be a healthy positive move or make you feel better about yourself. And I always wonder about the kind of person that you would date, that would date a married person, that wouldn't be the type of person I'd want to date.
You know what you need to do. I think you should try to NC as much as possible, go dark, get busy leading a really fun, busy life. Focus on you. What would make you happy? I kind of incorporated lots of 180s in my GALing activities, like I'm a wimp so started doing martial arts, and shy so started doing community theatre. The weird thing is it turned out I really like doing these totally 180 type activities, very fun, and making me feel good about myself. You have to figure out some good stuff too. Plus when you're out GALing you'll make lots of supportive friends too which is good.
