WAW/Affair Confirmed - Advice? #2

[DCBHM]

I'm going to include a copy of my transcript here so you can see how the fog conversation went down yesterday:

*begin transcript at 6:35 on file*

H: Anyhoo, uh, as far as the counseling stuff with that one lady uh, I did talk to her and she was asking what I was interested in, in terms of whether it was working on the marriage or whether it was just divorce mediation counseling or whatever and I told her my feelings on both. And she said it kind of seemed like I was pretty ambivalent, that I wasn’t really sure which way to go on it because –

WAW: mmm hmmm

H: - you know after telling her everything but, I don’t know the way, there is still an opportunity at this point, you know where if we went in there I think the purpose of the first, if we went in there together, I’ll just give you a heads up, but I would say that it’s an option right now to work on the marriage – but you know I would like to ask you to end your other relationship if we are going to do that. And if you don’t want to, I’ll be honest with you right now; you know I’m doing my best to keep my heart open to you –

WAW: mmm hmmm

H: - but, eventually I’m just, I’m not going to be there. And that’s the way it generally goes, by the time that the other relationship runs its course, the person that has been betrayed has already moved on. And you know there’s different types of love there is you know, once you’ve been with somebody for a while it’s not quite as strong, but it’s the love that lasts, that at the very least it keeps you going, and there is the love that, is just so overpowering that makes it seem like that’s the real relationship. But if it’s not based on anything solid, if it’s based on lies, deception, and running around and sneaking around and doing things like that, eventually when you try to make that into a real relationship there is no foundation and its gonna end. So I mean, I’m going to ask you straight up if we went to counseling and I told you I wanted to work on the marriage is that something you are interested in at all right now?

WAW: No.

H: Well, that’s all I needed to know there is not any point in going then. You know, I’ll go to her, and kind of talk out the, things there. And it’s not something where, I know you probably have, I don’t know if you even have any guilt at all about what you’ve done. I mean do you have any at all?

WAW: *inaudible and a shrug*

H: Yes, no, I mean do you feel guilty?
WAW: *made sounds that indicated she didn’t know – and shrugged*

H: *repeats sound* I mean, you’ve got to let me know something I just don’t know… in any event, it doesn’t matter to me even if you did feel guilty it’s not something that I’m going to sit there and, you know its deal with it and then move on and leave it in the past – but you are not the one that needs to change anything, there is a lot of things that I would have to do for you to be happy in the relationship – because I don’t think you’d have done that without being unhappy in some ways, but if we did work on the marriage, and that’s an if, I would have to do a lot to, it’s not just you. But… you know it… I don’t know. And I didn’t expect anything different as far as an answer but, things change. I would appreciate it though if you would not lie anymore. That if something is going on just tell me. I mean… be honest about it. That’s all I would really ask from you I think we’d get along a lot better if you just went ahead and told me how long it’s been going on and just let it go. Is that something you think you can do?

WAW: It hasn’t been going on long.

H: How long has it been going on? I think since October.

WAW: uh uh.

H: Then how long has it been going on?

WAW: Not while we… stayed married.

H: It’s been inappropriate since well before then. It’s been inappropriate since at least September. Because I’ve filled out a timeline and I’ve filled up about 17 pages of things that happened and witnesses and everything else. Going all the way back to August and September. I don’t think anything was… you know… and you know we’re still married now, you know this is not something that looks good… you doing that.

WAW: I’m going to get her (talking about D1)

H: Well no, I mean at what point because I’m not believing you because he was sneaking out of the house in December before you ever mentioned divorce I saw that. Can you admit that he was sneaking out, that you were lying that night? I mean…

WAW: No.

H: You understand, the damage is done from the lying it’s not from the uh, it’s not from what actually happened but... and also know that you’re not going to… whenever you do admit to any truth, it’s not going to be the full extent of it because you’re trying to downplay it or you’re trying to say “oh well there was just a kiss” when there was a lot more. So I mean just… think about it, be honest with me, because I’m not, I’m not gonna react any differently than I’m reacting now just… be honest.
WAW: Okay.

H: But you do, you admit that there is a relationship going on now?

WAW: uh uh

H: What do you, well you said “It’s not been going on long” what do you mean by that?

WAW: We’ve been friends H…

H: You said “It’s not been going on long, nothing happened before when we were married.” What did you mean by that?

WAW: Friendship.

H: WAW, you’ve been friends since back, well before all that if it is supposedly friends.

WAW: I’m going to go. *She walked out the door.*

H: Well… we’ll see you tomorrow.