WAW/Affair Confirmed - Advice? #2

[DCBHM]

Original Thread

I'm going to quote the last few posts, and respond to Puppy's questions:

Apparently I didn't ruin her day after all. When I picked up D1, W's family told me she just left to go stay at OM's house all day - and she even told me that she was there and that I just needed to bring D1 to my house and she'd get her there.

Her family pretty much came out and said they know what is going on at this point, and I spoke to W for a few minutes before she left and asked her if she had any interest in seeing if the M could be saved at all. She said "No."

I told her I didn't expect anything different as far as an answer - but told her I'd at least like her to come clean with me about her relationship.

I asked how long it had been going on. She said "It hasn't been going on long." I told her I suspected since October/November and she said "No it wasn't going on before we separated." I told her "So you admit you have a relationship going on now?" She said "No I'm just talking about friendship." I said - "You two were friends long before our separation, as far back as August - so what do you mean by 'it hasn't been going on long'?"

Then she just said "I don't know. I'm just going to go."

So she still isn't being honest about it, and is very much entrenched in the fog, because I got video, etc. that is going to just add more. She was parked out front of his house the entire day.

Anyway, told my therapist it was just going to be me coming from now on.

I picked up "Not 'just friends'" today from the book store, so I hope to read that.

LRT/GAL is my only recourse at this point, and I'm going to be doing what I have to in order to win the 'war' that is ongoing as well.

It didn't really phase me at all talking to her though. I wasn't hurt, I wasn't angry. Just astonished that she is that far into the fog that she doesn't realize she is shooting herself in the foot legally - and we have deposition next Friday which is going to kill her case considering all the evidence I've got if she tries to lie.

I did ask her if she felt guilty at all, and she waited 10-15 seconds before answering "I dunno" and shrugging her shoulders.

Just... wow...

Based on my fogged conversation with W yesterday, and based on the fact that her family is enabling her A and thus is a de-facto condonation of the A, I have no choice but to focus on custody, going through with the D, and continuing in GAL and moving on.

I will be working with my therapist for a bit at least in trying to keep the door to reconciliation cracked. But at this point, W is flaunting her A in my face by spending the entire day at his house next door, half-way admitting to the A and then backtracking when I ask her directly with a "just friends" answer.

Anyone have any advice, or seem like I'm doing what I can do? I recorded her conversation and it is just astonishing how she basically admits to the A, and then backtracks a few minutes later saying "no I was just talking about being friends."

She's lying. About ALL of it.

All you can do at this point is gather/retain your evidence, lovingly detach, and lay out and enforce your boundaries and do your own GAL stuff (for you, not for her) and protect yourself legally. Is yours a "fault" or a "no-fault" state? Carrying on an affair with the next door neighbor, while her children are about, will not be looked kindly upon by a family court judge.

Puppy

Yeah I know she is lying. I can tell when her lips move, and she is quite horrible at it.

This is a 'fault' state and I already counter-filed on grounds of adultery.

You may want to do a confront or a re-confront with her parents, using your evidence if you have to. You may not be able to stop the affair at this point, but you can probably get her to stop the DECEIT, which -- to my view -- is important. I had to do the same thing with my wife, as she was lying to her parents and our two adult daughters about her affair. I gave her a couple of months to come clean about it, and then finally threatened to show them my evidence if she didn't start at least telling them the TRUTH (after all, if their "love" is so "special," why not shout it from the rooftops???).

The thing is, if you are to move forward as a divorced couple, co-parenting your children, you CANNOT built that family upon a foundation of DECEIT. I told my wife "We've always told our children not to lie; how can we hold ourselves to any less of a standard?"

Are you SURE her parents are condoning a full PA, or are they buying into the "just friends" thing? My in-laws waffled back and forth several times, and seemed to believe whatever argument they heard LAST. It's understandable that they'd want to believe the best in their daughter, but sometimes confrontation and exposure has to be repeated with each incident.

Puppy

Today I filmed her and OM walking back to her car after she took D1 out of my house. Her mom acted like this morning she was going to come to my house with her to pick up D1, then decided not to. I called her mom and filled her in that I got her on video again, she started yelling they are just friends and that W was just visiting OM's mother, said "We've got a lot of stuff on you too!"... then hung up on me.

So I'm guessing denial. I'm probably going to cut out the filming, etc. W is just flaunting it at this point - and I just don't see the "Oh we are just friends." angle flying in front of anyone with common sense.

I'm not sure what they have got on me that isn't fiction. I know what the truth is. Assuming she can argue that I've done something during one of our custody swaps - but I record all of those, so if they picked a date I have it archived somewhere.

She isn't even parking at my house for the custody swaps now, just parking at his. I don't get the thought process.