so, she came over today to borrow my truck. She didn't even say anything. So I called her about an hour later and said, what you aren't even talking to me know? She said well based on our last conversation that didn't go very well I didn't think we needed to. I said, oh, I didn't remember it like that. I pressed a little and asked her what she had done that was so bad. She said I don't want to talk about it, you probably wouldn't think it was that bad anyway. Ok, if I wouldn't think that then just tell me. She said I've pretty much made up my mind. I said about what? She said about us. I said, well you seem to keep changing your mind. She said can I call you back later? Sure, no problem.
Ok, I pursued a bit, I know. It's just so damn frustrating as to why or what has caused her to do this. Ugh, I am just so miserable. I have never has weekends feel so long before.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
You could always use the old, "you're leaving me anyway, so what difference does it make if you tell me or not? Just tell me the truth so at least I'll know." Also, sooner or later, you are going to hear rumors from somewhere else. Prolly, anyway, and it would behoove her to tell you the truth so that when you hear the rumors, you won't go balistic.
Personally, I like the first one best..."you're leaving me anyway...nothing is going to change your mind...so please, to help me be at peace...or to help me deal better, just tell me the truth."
Maybe it's just me and I certainly wouldn't do it without getting someone else's input on it. Puppy?
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Damn, she came over to drop off the truck and made the comment of if I hadn't deployed then this wouldn't have happened. I said, I was only gone 7 month--why won't you work on this with me? She said I don't want to. She said I like being alone. She asked me why I hadn't gotten over this yet. I told her it wasn't that easy for me. I said I can't be as cold as you. She said I'm not being cold. I said, it sure feels that way. She said I like being alone. I don't want to be married to you or anyone. I like my alone time. I said you don't have to be divorced to have alone time. Didn't you enjoy our date the other day? She said she did. I asked her why she still said she loved me and didn't want a divorce the other day yet she persists on going down this path? She said, I don't want a divorce right now. I said, that's not what you said. She said I just don't know. She said I have to go. Give me a call in a little while.
Now I know fundamental DBing says don't pursue with these type of questions but this approach is not working. She seems happier when I leave her alone. She left looking damn guilty. God, I want her to come back but I'm certain she doesn't want to right now anyway. What is the deal? Why did 7 months make that big of difference. She said she'd never been alone before. What is the big deal about being alone? How can this possibly make her happy? AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More importantly, why does my heart feel like it is rebreaking every damn day? Why is this so agonizing and why haven't I dryed up a little bit?
Last edited by AFWAW; 03/30/0912:34 AM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
So I gave her a call and she says no, I said I would call you. No she didn't say that. Ok, she gets mean and says look, I don't know why you want to keep going over this. I said, look you're the one that keeps on with the I love you and don't want a divorce. She said you sound like your 12. IT's over, just leave me alone! I said I have left you alone. She said then continue to do so. I don't f$#@ing need this. I said, so much for being civil. She said the only thing I want you to call me about from now on is our daughter and she needs to call me. I said, no you need to call her, you're the one that left. She said that's fine, I'll shut off both your phones. Ok, I said, that's fine. She said she needs to spend the weekends with me. I said you haven't coordinated that. She said I shouldn't need to. I said well, I'm not a mind reader. She said don't make me say it. I said go ahead, say it, you're a cruel person anyway for doing what you've done. I said especially with what you said about doing something so bad that God wouldn't forgive you and then just leaving it hanging like that. She said I wish I wouldn't have told you that. I said, well you did, so why don't you just tell me what you did. She said that's none of your business. I said it is my business, you're my wife. She said, no its not. She said don't f$%^ing call me anymore unless it's about daughter and F#$( you and hung up.
Ok, know I'm officially done DBing. Now I'm just feeling nasty. Now I'm not going to answer the phone at all if its her. She can leave a message if its about my daughter. I need to get this cruel woman out of my head, out of my mind and out of my heart. I cannot live like this anymore for a person that just doesn't care about me.
Mel, I took my ring off and will not put it back on. I am moving on for real. I cannot believe the cruel person that my wife has become. She has lied to me for so long. Enough is enough.
Last edited by AFWAW; 03/30/0902:36 AM.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
AF: Peace. My brother you are on the express roller-coaster right now, and it totally sucks, but you will get through this.
Detach like your life depends on it. Go spend some time with your D. Something I have found in my sitch is that my kids were so much more detached than I ever was, and not surprisingly, they avoided much of the roller-coaster that I was always dealing with.
I'm really praying for you, man, but you need to pull back. Obsessing over her and her secret is going to drive you bonkers.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Did she ever go tdy and leave you at home alone with all the crap?
Just wondering.
Yep, many times. Just for short times though. She has led somewhat of a charmed life in the military--never deployed.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
