I hate it though because one day I am fine and the next I feel like I need to look through his stuff or follow him. He still swears that he has never done anything. He has admitted that he did talk to this person and confided in her about our relationship and that it was wrong he did not tell me, but he has looked me in the eyes over and over even swearing on our kids lives that he has never cheated on me. Nor would he even now he said he could not be with someone else. It is just that lie about talking to her that caused my suspicions to start going. I know I have insecurity issues and I am working on them at counseling and I know that because of how I was raised and what I grew up around these things have been buried for years. Do you know that I just reccently told him about things I have done when I was a teenager, he somewhat is upset because he thinks I was hiding it but I was actually in fear that if I told him I would loose him. My mom and dad faught all the time and then one night my mom had enough and left we were then told by my dad that she wanted nothing to do with us for years. I grew up thinking I never fit in and was never quite sure where I fit in. I am told I have an abandonment complex which causes me to think that there must be someone else may always have been because I am not good enough for him and he deserves better. Now looking back I know he loved me and he says that part of him still does he just not sure how much and if we can ever fall back in love. However he still engages in physical contact whether a kiss or a brush on the head and like I said last night well we were intimate and well we were last week too. So what does this mean. I want my marriage back but I do not know where to go with all this. My counselor said that he would be very surpirsed if we ended up divorcing. So do I stop it, he thinks I did, and part of me wants too but is it okay to live like this? I asked him if it is stopped then what in a month when work is going full swing we start it again,he said he did not know wha would happen. I have regreted filing so is this my chance to make it right, but then there is nothing legally stating he has to pay me. I am so confused!!!
