Well IMO rushing into a divorce is never a good thing. Of course on the flip side, being in endless limbo can be even worse. I would take advantage of the delay and use the time as best you can to solidify your financial position for yourself and kids. Also, give your H space and put your focus on yourself. As Portland said, DBing is for you - that is the only person you can control.
As for your inlaws, I think it is incredibly sad and somewhat childish the attitude and stance they have taken. Although you have no idea what your H has told them, 35 years of a relationship with them should mean something. However, you can control them. As hard as it is, try not to let what they are or are not doing effect you. If they have any smarts about them at all, they will eventually figure out that their son is acting irrationally and that you are not the source of all his problems.
