I keep putting myself in your W's shoes. I keep thinking that she's win-back-able, but that you have to crash through her wall to get her to talk with you about her dreams and to convince her that she can have her dreams right where she sits.
You started sleeping in another room before the D talk, right? If that's true, then she was sleeping every night in your master bedroom wondering why you weren't crashing in to hold her and kiss her and love her. She was wondering what kind of man would allow that? What kind of man wouldn't give her what she wishes for?
I'm sorry I keep going back to passion. I worry that your proud, principled, and dignified nature keeps you from giving her the big show, heart-on-your-sleeve, profession of undying love she needs to stop the D. She keeps threatening you with, "maybe I should serve you tomorrow." If it truly were "too late," she WOULD serve you yesterday.
We all know what's in your head. We have heard you say that you want HER over anyone else in the world. We see how hard you are working to win her love. But, can she really see it?
I can't help but wish that you would try to connect with her.
Just read yesterday: We all turn to our friends and tell them everything. When we begin a R, we make that person our best friend. Somewhere along the line, we start turning to our friends more than our mate. What we really need to do is make our mate our very best friend. THAT is intimacy.
I think she wavers between dreaming of a sunny future with someone else and her love for you. Can't you just tell her that she is your one and only and that a sunny future CAN be yours?
If you stay completely measured in every step, maybe it won't be enough for her. It'll leave room for some random guy will love her with reckless abandon, and she'll feel so satisfied when that happens. (Until it doesn't work out.) Why let it get to that point without a real try?
There I go with my desperate plea again.
Once more, I don't want to ruin all the hard work you've done. I'm no expert.
I don't agree with your W's actions at all. For the most part, I think her D threat is just that. A threat. What is the X in "Do X or else"? Passion and connection and openly flowing love.
