Last night was going very well. We were having great conversation about "stuff." We were on the porch of a local Inn and were talking with other people. One man mentioned that he had a W and 3 GFs. My W spoke up and said, "Be careful, that will come back to bite you." He asked about that statement and she told him about herself and that she was still married. He asked about her H, and she said well he's right here, pointing at me. The man asked if we were trying to save our M; and she said well that's why we're here.
But in less than an hour, she started in on how she felt guilty on Tues. for kissing me and thought she was leading me on. That she didn't get any feeling of passion or romantic love from the kiss.
She started talking about how she's been delving into her faith and her Women's Study Bible about her life; participating on Family Life and Christian Answers. She's come to the conclusion, in less than a week, that God has gone from telling her to work on her marriage to leaving her marriage. I can't fault her for her feelings; but she thinks that staying in the M will cause more harm than good for all of us. She said that she cannot trust herself to be faithful; therefore she doesn't want to stay M'd.
About the OM, she still maintains that she's cutoff physical contact last Jan. But that they still go out and talk on the phone. But he's been pressuring her and says that he wants to marry her. She said that back in Feb. when she was thinking of coming back; she had told OM that she didn't want to hear from him anymore. But he only stopped for a couple of weeks and then he kept trying; so in her mind she loved someone, set him free, and how he's come back. And she doesn't know why! I told her that I had some ideas why and that I would keep them to myself. But she pressed for my thoughts so I told her that he's a 35 yr old mama's boy that's never been M'd. He claims to be a Christian; but yet he has no problem interfering with a M woman's R with her H and kids. And then I told her that she will have to deal with his mother; who called my W a "terrible mother." She told me that she had a long talk with his mother and they came to terms. W told me that his mother had carried on a 13 yr extra-marital A; but they're all stalwart Christians in the church.
These last six months, I have gotten myself to a better place, emotionally and financially. If I were to take her back; I've felt that she has not changed and I would be back to where I was last year. I've taken the leap of faith and given her my ear and a date because she said God wanted her to work on our M. If it were up to me and there was no God; we would have been done already. Outside of all the things she's done to me; what really irks me the most is when I hear her say that she's soul-searching for God and God has placed it upon her heart to leave the M. BOVINE EXCREMENT That's what I'm having the hardest trouble with today. Not that the M is on a path toward D again; but that she's being misled and making life-altering decisions on false beliefs.
OH....and about what's she's lying about..
It's not anything in particular; it's just the total inconsistencies in her normal story telling and banter. She's always had a habit of embellishment or bending a situation to fit what she wants it be. She was telling me stories last night that she has told me within the last week and several of the details have changed. I call her out on it and she doesn't recall any of what I remember. And these aren't even stories about us or our families; it's just mundane, stupid stuff. If she won't keep those stories straight; she'll never be straight with me in a M.
