Ok, I am going to give you a slight 2 x 4. Hope you are not offended.
I really get that you want to save your M. We all do and that is what brought us to DB in the first place. I have made and still make huge mistakes and backslide alot.
From what you post I am trying to see if your H is on the fence or trying to bow out with the least amount of drama or financial loss. Not sure. Either way he knows that all he has to do is snap his fingers and you are right back where he wants you. How long have you two been separated? How old is this child he has with OW? Seems like its been awhile and he has been with OW a long time.
I can tell you from experience that arguing and fighting with him and making him feel bad for leaving does not work. I sent numeous texts and emails pointing out how he abandoned me and the kids, how he walked out on his marriage etc. Your H knows this. He is choosing to keep on the path he is on. Nobody is holding a gun to his head. OW cannot keep that child from him and if he tells you that he is full of BS. HE is choosing to stay where he is.
YOU deserve to be happy. I am not saying to give up on your M if you are not ready, but for heaven's sake stop chasing this man. It will only drive him farther away. Get a life...on your own. Do things for you. Let your H see that you are over it and really don't need him. Come here and vent all you want but lead your husband to believe that you are blissfully happy and going on with your life. No more fighting. No more guilt trips. If/when he comes back, you want him to do it because he wants to...not because he has to.
Find someone else to do your work around your house if you can. Get other rides home, etc. If he offers just say thanks but I already have it covered. Do it with a happy tone and a smile. Make him wonder what the heck you are doing and why you are happy. Don't contact him unless its an absolute emergency. NOTHING. If he tries to engage you end the conversation in a nice way....you are just waaaayyyy to busy with your new wonderful life to deal with his immature crap. Always with a smile.
Your H may be fearful and confused. But he also may be cake eating as well. Sorry to be harsh, but I hate seeing you so run over.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!