She's trying hard to get away again. Seems to be a pattern. Get close, run away. Put "things" between us. I can only take that to mean progress.
Good news: she's reaching to my daughter trying to connect. That's really good news. I'll be out tonight, so she'll have plenty of time to reconnect with them today at least.
Yesterday she came home tired. Exhausted. Then tried to stay up talking to friends on the phone (extra loud - hmm...) and then tried to get the kids to watch tv with her. She "fidgeted" a bit trying to get them to come away from me and into the living room. Somehow, I think she got her feelings hurt that they did not go. My Daughter and I had a great conversation last night about world history and world politics. Interesting with a 13 almost 14 year old and to hear her perspective on things.
I made cookies last night. Left many of them with a note for WAS to take with her to school to give away. She didn't. Oh well, I guess we have a tremendous amount of cookies to eat
She's been ignoring my txts and notes and such. I say ignoring. Not really. I think she hears them ringing in her head but doesn't want to respond. Part of that distancing herself. Bracing is the word that comes to the back of my mind.
I think she's feeling things that she's not sure of. Starting to bring up feelings she's buried for a while. Good sign. I'm happy she's showing signs of healing herself.
I am still happy with that bit even if it means she continues to walk the rest of the way away. She deserves to heal.
I'll be out with an old friend tonight. Beer and bullets. Not in that order, but it should be fun just the same. Tomorrow is a day of doing things around the house mostly. WAS "informed" me that she'll be driving separate cars to son's hockey game 'cuase then she's going out with her GF's from there. Then wants to leave for the night away on Sunday early afternoon.
And the beat goes on....
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
MC says it's the death of our marriage. It's also from the suicide of her nephew. And the beating that the stress has given her.
From my perspective.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Your MC sounds crazy. Death of your marriage.....whatever. Now the situation with the nephew.... really there are no words. Stress can be much esp. when there seems to be no end in sight. I feel for you AJ. Hang in there with me.
I appreciate that. It's hard to find encouragement these days.
Today's the day we go away for the night. I don't have high expectations, but I'll keep an open mind and a positive attitude as much as I can manage.
UPDATE: Yesterday was interesting. Was working in the yard and saw her come up the street. She came over and started talking to me about her run and her week. She talked to me for about an hour. Really at me, but it was a pleasant conversation just the same. Tells me about her week and how stressful it was and how little sleep she got. How glad she is it's over. You would have been proud of me - I just validated the difficulty of the week. Asked a few questions. Was interesting. Reminded me we were going away Sunday. She heads in and then is very distant the rest of the day.
Goes to son's hockey game, but is texting the whole time (distracted) and leaves early to meet friends. No biggie, she likely could use some sort of break.
I had written on the calendar in the morning, that she was headed out at night (W out @ night is what I wrote). We keep track of such things on the family calendar so that everyone knows where we are. She just hadn't written it in, so I put it on there without really thinking about it. I guess I hadn't written that I'd be out the night prior. She did. Wrote it in arrears. Not sure what that is about. I don't go back and write things in that already happened, so it seems odd to me, but wondering if I offended or something. I'll leave it be but if anyone has a suggestion...
Haven't seen W yet this morning. Will be dark for a while as there will be no electronics with us for the overnight. At least, that's the promise she made.
We get back tomorrow afternoon and then the following day she goes to the MC. She asked to go by herself. I've been told that's normal. It's unnerving at first, but not something I have a choice in anyway. Then she heads out with an old friend that night. I guess I'll see her sometime in April
I've decided that if I get wound up about things that I'm giving her control of the relationship. Of my emotions. I can't do that any longer. Not to the extent I have been because it wreaks havoc on my PMA and well-being. She shows signs of wondering why I encourage her to be out. To go out with running buddies, friends, etc. I think I'll keep that one as a worthwhile 180. I think I'll keep the detached emotions for times when she tries to push me to a fight as a worthwhile 180 as well. I refuse to get in a fight this weekend as well. I'll try really hard to not talk about R as well.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
We can always understand everything about the other - the whys of things they do anymore that they understand or "mis"understand our stuff. If writing things on a board is usual - then just remember to put your stuff on it too and leave it at that. Your other option could be to let her know what you saw and say "sorry I forgot to write down where I was", and let it go. Altho, she may have something to say to you and that gives you the chance to listen to her viewpoint without getting into an argument. Nice 180? Just a suggestion.
Detachment sounds a bit difficult - (isn't it though) - I was going to remind you that detachment doesn't mean you ignore emotions or don't have them - the goal is as you say - to control what you do with them. When you feel emotional - are you able to identify what you are reacting to? Here's an example, when I feel anger -I ask myself,"what do I think is wrong in this situation?" Then I begin to problem solve the situation in my mind, (or my journal) sorting out what I have control over and what I don't have control over. My emotions usually follow the lead to some approp behavior or words to neutralize the situation.
I read that you do see what is working in your sitch. What do you notice that she likes about her friends? Is it the break from daily routines, going out?, talking, different activities? Is there anything brought up by her to you in MC that indicates she would like to do anything different with you? Or, have you thought about what you might to add to your life with her? or on your own? When was the last time you both tried some activity that was different for both of you?
I can read the stress in your words here - but just know that a huge difference between men and women is timing. Women take longer to process things and make changes. Everything seems to be following the course. Breathe and enjoy your night away.
Hey AJ You're doing great. I know if it wasn't for you I probably would be in the looney house by now. I hope the last 24 hours or so have been great. I'll "talk" to you soon. At work. You know where to find me.
