OK. Then you shouldn't use him to babysit the cats. Don't kill him. It's not worth the consequences. Just be truthful. Tell him what you told me. Nothing wrong with that.
As I said before, he wasn't the first choice to watch the cats, but I asked him and he said yes. He's keeping one of them and he will be keeping the house so he has a vested interest and responsibility in both.
I don't want to tell him how much he hurt me. He knows and I don't need to spell it out for him yet again.
I am not cut out for this. I don't think I have it in me to go through everything again just to see if we can work things out. It's my turn to take the easy way out.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I think you let him lead, and if he brings it up, you listen respectfully. If he says something you know is a lie, or is f.o.s., call him on it. If you feel something in your heart you want to say -- say it. Otherwise, just LISTEN, and let him lead. You don't need to make any decisions based on anything he tells you.
You seem AWFULLY torn. All the more reason not to do anything permanent either way.
Thanks Puppy. As usual, your pov is much appreciated and respected. And it calms me down so I can look at the sitch with more reason and less emotion.
The more I think about it the more I think he won't even be at the house anyway. I am getting worked up over nothing and will probably be disappointed by his lack of action yet again.
Off to the airport.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
It's late, I'm itching like crazy, but I know most of you are ahead of me a couple hours so I wanted to get something down for your thoughts.
So when I got home xBF was here waiting for me. He said he bought things to make dinner or he would leave. I said no, dinner was fine as long as I wasn't the one cooking it. He laughed and said no, he would cook. It was very awkward at first, much silence, then moved onto small talk. This was the conversation for a while, updates on friends, family and the cats. He asked about my tap class and guessed I was in SF with my family (the bug bites).
We were sitting downstairs on the sofa when he brought up the taxes. He asked if I had a problem signing over my share of the partnership. Yes, I do because it's part of a whole settlement that hasn't been determined yet.
This starts the big R talk. So that means I'm not going to try? I haven't decided yet. It went on from there.
Talked probably more than I should have about OW. Zero contact is a prerequisite, he's had contact with her within the last few days so that's not promising, how do I know he won't go running to her the first time I say/do something he doesn't like? He hasn't proven to me that she's out of the picture but I don't know how he can do that to my satisfaction and neither does he. But I did state clearly that if there is so much as one more email/txt/vm/etc then I am done forever.
Another issue that needs to be addressed is the financial settlement. Since I don't know what caused this sudden change of heart I suspect one reason is he's decided it would be cheaper to keep me than get rid of me. Said I'm not out to take him to the cleaners but that we were building a future together and if it's not going to be that way then I deserve my fair share. His idea of fair share is of course less than mine since he counts paying off my credit card debt and car as my share of assets. Not sure how I feel about this but told him if he's being honest with both of us then write it up so we have it on paper now. I don't want things to get uglier if I decide I don't want to pursue the R.
It's been all about him during all of this: HE wasn't happy so HE turned to OW and had an affair, then HE expected me to allow him to cake eat while he figured things out, HE was mad when I kicked him out. Now HE wants to work things out and I'm supposed to go along with all of this. Where does what I want figure in the picture?
It's my turn to find out if there is someone better for me out there. But he has a problem with me wanting to date or have a fling. So it's ok for him to just walk out on me, on us, live with another woman for a month, decide to come back and I'm supposed to just be ok with it? Even though he said we were separated and I was free to date other people? His response is that two wrongs don't make a right. I agree, but it's so much easier for him to say since he's the one who did the wrong and I'm supposed to be ok with it.
I said I gave him everything he wanted because he said if I loved him I would let him go. So I moved on and made a plan for my life alone. Now I'm angry that he's come back and messed up my plans for the second time. I need time and space to figure out if I want to try and if I can ever trust him again.
So now I need to figure out what I want and what I expect from him. Do I want him to pursue me and prove to me that he's serious about choosing to be with me? Or do I want him to leave me alone to think? Before the R talk started he did ask if I wanted to do something this week. When I asked what he said he had no idea. I said I need to check my calendar.
I'm overtired and need to sleep on it.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I do think he has a right to count the debt toward any final calculations, and I do also think he has a right to know -- one way or another -- what you want to do. Does that mean you have to drop what you're doing, jump thru a bunch of hoops, and let him know just as soon as he wrote you that e-mail?
Nope.
But how long has it been now? Two weeks I think??
Whatever it is you want to do is fine by me, and I think we all respect the grace and fight you've put up here. But even if just for YOUR own sake, I do think you need to decide something.
Which leads me to my final thought for now: I think if what you "decide" is to just start having a date here, and a visit there, that you're going to be going right back to a fuzzy limbo that YOU will not feel at all good about, now that you've become "the New Pearl." What he seems to be proposing is a slippery slope into Limbo Hell.
LOLOL Puppy..you always have a great way of putting things that no one could follow if they TRIED...
Yep..I agree with that..kind of either an all or nothing instead of limbo land..which I know you have hated for the past few weeks of this craziness my sweetie!
Hope you got some rest..{{{Pearl}}}
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I've got to give your xBF one thing: he's shown some actions! He came over and watched your house, cooked you dinner... He's starting to show some things to back up some of his words. I think that's positive, don't you? I guess you can decide that that still isn't enough, but it's something!
