Newbie - first post

[sandi2]

Hi mnt_dreams and welcome to our community here on the DB board. You will meet your neighbors as they come to your "thread" (your story here) and make responses to your posts. If you look down close to the bottom on the list of forums, you will see abreveations that are used. Not all, but some common ones. It helps. Anyway, if you will reach out to others and respond to their posts, it will help you build up a support system quicker here on the board. When you want to "vent" your frustrations, it is best to tell us in advance that you are just blowing off some steam. Same thing when you are seeking advice....just say you need it.

There are all types of personalities here in the community but most of the "regulars" are very nice people and if you will stick with us, I think you will grow as a person and you will suvive your stitch whichever or however it may turn out.

After saying all of that, let me give my two cents worth on what I am thinking about your stitch (situation). Your H was probably very tied down to his responsibilities when he was a boy at home. I am sure he must have felt "trapped" in that. Then he married a woman who already had a family so that meant more responsibility......which is not to be a cop-out for wanting to "escape" his life with you and the kids, but he feels a "crisis" and unfortunately he has found another woman to talk to after you rejected his idea and desire to move where the snow and mountains are. He probably took it as you rejecting "him". Men are wired very different than the way we are and it is sure hard to understand them, but we make our mistake by thinking they should think like we do. They don't!

Reading the DR book is the best thing right now. Follow it to the letter. You are doing the right thing by backing off and giving him plenty of space and time to get his head together. However, I want to warn you that the worse is probably yet to come. You need to be prepared to discover that he is more involved with this OW than you even think at this time. I hope I am wrong, but it just seems to follow in most cases. He may even decide to move with you and the kids or he may leave you for this OW. So.....you need to think real hard to decide what it is you want, what you are willing to do and how long you are willing to wait. You need to know what the "deal breaker" will be for you in this R. You need to have boundaries set. Most of all, while he is away from you and the kids, you need to do a severe evaluation of yourself. Take a personal inventory and give yourself a grade of how your appearance is when you are out in public and when alone with your H. How is your personality? Have you gotten slack about some habits. Maybe formed some bad habits that you know he doesn't like, but you've kept doing them? Just get down to the nitty-gritty of everything from the tone of your voice to your laughter. Are you too loud at parties? Everything you can think of....try to see it through his eyes.

Now, while he is gone and maybe even spending time with the OW, your project will be do to an over-haul on yourself. Get a different hair-do. Maybe a differnt color to help make you look younger. Update your make-up and your ward robe. Get an exercise program going b/c it will give you energy, lift depression, lose weight and just be an over-all good plan. It even gives a person a sense of self-confidence! If you have self-esteem issues, then get some self-help books and read them. Make this time you have away from him as a time to work on yourself, so when he does see you again......you will knock his socks off by your improved appearence and personality and attitude. Attitude......oh, that gets us women in a lot of trouble sometimes, doesn't it? Maybe you need to work on that also and even "practice" having a postitive and uplifting, and happy attitude so when he comes home (hopefully), he will discover that you are once again, a fun person to be around. You need to become a person that