Yeah, I have said as much to him. I went through this with him before saying exactly the same things - but what is different this time is his thinking and reflecting on his words and behavior. If he says or does something negative, he catches himself, that is entirely new and seems to be consistent for the most part.
His goals are realistic on one level - he wants to be consistently "palpable" to me - in other words, acceptable. He is more aware of his negative traits. Like, I said, he couldn't do that before.
I will admit that I am concerned that he will try to pressure me into allowing things to return to where they were before - but be very clear - I am in a much better place now, can't be pressured into anything - I am willing to have things change in order to rebuild the R. If it doesn't work out - I am ready to be on my own again.
The recovery part for me may be the hardest part. But I realized that his reactions, words, deeds, will all reveal what I need to know at any moment. He is telling me a lot right now and I just decided to let him talk and not react to it, not try to discuss it or point out what is incorrect in his thinking. He has a therapist and sponsor to point these things out to him. I will focus on our R and it either works or not. It's that simple now. Before, I had so many things I brought into it all, and found out that none of it matters.
On my personal front, d is driving with her own car and so independent that she is actually more attached - will someone explain that one? She is definitely moving out this summer for college though and I imagine that to be the beginning of the end.
Son still looking for a fulltime job - ugh! without his degree! I can't stand it! (By the way, H says he is ready to accept that son may be around for awhile) In the mean time, I still have to see what exh is doing about his living sitch - whether he will move to another state to live with GF or stay for the kids.
I have found some possibilities for an adult community living, on the riverfront and close to work. I can do it with or without H if needed. I am in a good position right now.
