So.. then saw J tonight, his oldest mates wife (who I get on v well with). We had a more honest chat than at Christmas.. I said.. so I suppose you know now, about the skiing holiday.. and she said, yes, that someone else was there? Turns out, she didnt want to say anyting about Helen last time as she was worried i would be devastated and she though what is the point, as she would 'bet money' on it not lasting. So found out:

She I was right, she didnt spend NYE with him! She must have been around for a day or two after Christmas though, as J and her H, BMF bumped into them in a pub. So they did meet her.

She said she was a nice girl.. but not right for him. It was obvious it wasnt loves young dream, or any kind of romance, in fact, you couldnt even tell that they were a couple and she seemed more like just a mate (which is what Cher and BMF said). They didnt touch AT ALL all evening. No kissing.

She said she was nice enough, outgoing, chatty, extrovert, but she made no effort to get to know her, because she could tell instantly that this wasnt going to be a long term thing, or his next big love and wouldnt last. They didnt seem together, or like they were suited, but she was a nice girl and she felt sorry for her - because, it was clear that she is really into him, but he is not into her.

She was not particularly feminine, just had on jeans and a top (which is what Cher said), is short like me, but dark. She said she was nice enough looking, sort of girl next door, but if I met her I would no way think, oh no, is that what I have to compete with. She was not a match for me and she feels I have in no way been replaced.

She seems very young, not in looks, but in demeanour, she thought she was 23 and was shocked when I said she was 29.

She is very into him.. apparently she had asked him to move in with her and he said, absolutely no way.

So.. when she saw them in a pub after Christmas, she got chance to talk to my ex away from Helen.. Apparently, he said to her, that he doesnt feel about Helen like he did (does?) about me.

And most significantly (so I guess this is why he left me).. that if I was then, like I am now, he never would have left. (grr!!!)

She actually said to him, dont you think people can change, dont yuo think people deserve a 2nd chance? (bless her) and she said he 'couldnt handle the conversation at all' - that if he was over me/ ok about it/in love with Helen, she would expect him to be cool about those questions, but instead he was very upset and said, I cant do this now, or I cant talk about this, or dont go there now and words to that effect. Helen was in the pub with him though. She said she's obviously intelligent, but very naive and doesnt realise he still has strong feelings for his ex.

She said it was obvious straight away on meeting them, that she is a nice girl, pleasant enough, but she is not the right one for him and he is not into her.

She thinks its a classic case of few drinks and bit of a sh*g, because he cant bear to be on his own.

So he did leave because of the way I was and that he has noticed I have changed and he actually said he would never have left me if I was then like I am now. Wow. Thats huge. And how annoying that he didnt just talk to me about the changes he needed me to make as he clearly wasnt happy back then hey.