"Don't talk about any relationship stuff or the stuff that's going on."
par for the course with a WAS..they don't want to deal with the fallout..they don't want to answer the questions that might be posded to them by the public...it's also a control thing..she thinks she has you on a string..
Yeah Mike. She definitely has control issues. Now that I'm not just lying down while she kicks me she's getting really irritated. What I should have done when she said that was just laugh and ask her if there was anything else we needed to talk about. In actuality, her request wasn't even worth answering.
The thing about what I told my SIL is funny too. On the one hand she acts and talks like she doesn't care what other people think about her decision, but she gets hung up in what my brother and SIL think about her. So once again, her words don't match her actions. And the discussion we've had about what I do and don't remember and her embelishing and rewriting the truth has her reeling also. I'm holding my ground and not allowing her to manipulate me.
Thanks for stopping by Mike.
I just got back from the birthday party we had for my D at her daycare. It was alot of fun and my D was so excited. My W and her mom came also. It was a good time.
Now, my D's teacher - wow. If she was only 10 years older...lol.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Then she went to her room. A little while later I knocked on her door and opened it. Right after I knocked she said, "What??" - in a really nasty tone. Then she said, "Don't just come walking in until I tell you to come in. I could have been changing or something." I said she walks into my room whenever she wants to.
I told her some conversations are important and some aren't. I remember the ones that were important. That's how memory works. Then she said, "Don't give me a lesson on memory." At that point I just turned around and walked away, closing her door behind me. I guess I finally got it - not to get into this cr@p with her. As I was walking away she was still talking.
I need to know why you went to her room after the conversation the two of you had. I am assuming as soon as you entered the room you wished that you had not and that is why you left.
She not only pushed your buttons on this occasion she got into your head and made you question yourself. That self doubt I am assuming is what made you go to her room and try to defend yourself to her.
You know the drill Ken. Stop letting her pull your strings. Stay steady and have a great weekend.
You know the drill Ken. Stop letting her pull your strings. Stay steady and have a great weekend.
Ditto... Still following along and stopping in to say hi. Think I may actually go over to my thread and do a little journaling.
You are going to make sure that she gives YOU the same courtesy of knocking before entering your room, now...right? Since she is so concerned about privacy.
I need to know why you went to her room after the conversation the two of you had.
I went in there to prove myself right. lol. Waste of time.
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
I am assuming as soon as you entered the room you wished that you had not and that is why you left.
Well, once she was being really bitc#y (pretty much from the moment I knocked)I decided to leave. Afterwards I wished I had not even bothered. I got caught up in the emotions of it...and of course, my EGO.
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
She not only pushed your buttons on this occasion she got into your head and made you question yourself. That self doubt I am assuming is what made you go to her room and try to defend yourself to her.
Yes and yes.
Originally Posted By: Distressed67
You know the drill Ken. Stop letting her pull your strings. Stay steady and have a great weekend.
Tim
Yes again. Working on it Tim. It's a process and I know I'll never have it 'perfectly'.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
I am assuming as soon as you entered the room you wished that you had not and that is why you left.
Well, once she was being really bitc#y (pretty much from the moment I knocked)I decided to leave. Afterwards I wished I had not even bothered. I got caught up in the emotions of it...and of course, my EGO.
Knew as soon as I read it that you regretted going to her room as soon as you knocked. Been there done that myself. Then you go back to your room and tell yourself how stupid it was to do that but could not stop yourself from doing it. Gotta love emotions they fu** us men up all the time.
Yesterday my W slept over her mom's house with the kids as usual. I went to the movies with my brother and his son. I stayed at his place for a while then came back home to sleep. My W took the kids straight to her brother's house this morning for a birthday party for my D. I piddled around the house and then left around 2 to go relax at the waterfront. I had a IC session at 4 so I just sat on a bench watching people and read a bit.
After my C session my W had left a message on my phone about picking up a present she wanted to get for our D. So I picked it up and went home. Then I went out food shopping. Came home and put my D to bed. So here I am....lol.
Yesterday afternoon my W called me on the phone to tell me my idea about the time for visitation made more sense than the one she presented. She said she had so much going through her mind that she wanted to call and tell me before she forgot.
So that's just some journalling.
I thought my IC session was at 4pm but it was 3:30 so I only got about 15 or so minutes with her. She didn't charge me and we made an appt for Thursday night. I went over some of the stuff that happened this week and she asked me why I felt the need to answer to my W. I said I realized this and decided not to get my buttons pushed anymore. I told her I'm done arguing with my W about stupid stuff and stuff that's happened in the past - is just a total waste of energy.
I told her it felt good to get that stuff off my chest (referring to the conversation I had with my W earlier in the week) and that it was stuff that I have been keeping inside me. I also said I said, it's done, now I don't need to bring it up again.
Overall I'm doing alright. Keep seeing sides of my W that I don't like so that's definitely helping with the detachment. My C again said I'm seeing her true nature. Then I added, as long as I was doing what she wanted, when she wanted, everything was fine. (thorughout our whole relationship). But as soon as I wasn't doing that, this is how she would act. It's been going on for so long that I totally couldn't even see it until I've stepped back a bit.
The C said it's unfortunate that my W is like this, but it is how she is. I agreed.
She also asked me what I was doing to move forward. I told her the only thing I feel I can work on right now is detaching - and that's what I've been doing.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
This morning I got up with my D around 5:20am. Nice early riser...lol. I hung out with her downstairs till around 7:30 and then my D went upstairs and got my W up.
We played for a while and then my S and D went upstairs and layed in my bed - it was time for breakfast in bed for the birthday girl. It's a tradition we started where we serve breakfast in bed for whoever's birthday it is.
We make up a little menu and they check off what they want. My W and worked together and made a breakfast for my S and D. We all hung out on my bed while they ate.
My W took a shower and then I did. She said she had to redo the report for the court order because she did it wrong the first time. Now she's up there working on it and I'm playing with my kids.
Before she went upstairs she looked at me and asked if I was losing weight. She said, "You look skinnier." I said, I dunno. Maybe I am. Duh...I'm on the freakin 'Your W is leaving you' diet...lol. Of course I'm losing some weight.
Nothing much else going on. I'm playing some nice relaxing music while I play with the kids. I love my kids so much.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Monday I picked my D up at daycare. My W had my S at the dentist with her mom. She got home around 4:30 or so and I was downstairs with the kids. After a while I went upstairs to find out where my W was and she was coming out of her room - she had layed down to take a nap. I asked her if she was ok and she said she was tired. I told her to go rest and I would take care of the kids.
I went downstairs and made a grill cheese for my D and I had one. About an hour and a half later my W came downstairs. It was time to get my kids to bed so I told them to go up to my room because I had a project I needed help with. The three of us went up and I had them help me setup the CPAP machine. We took it all apart to see how it worked at the kids request. They always have fun doing stuff like that. My S looked at me and said, "Now that you have this, mom can move back in the room with you." Sad.
I went downstairs to get water for them and my W asked what it was I wanted to show the kids. I told her it was the CPAP machine. She asked, "Oh you got it." I told her I picked it up in the afternoon. I could tell it bothered her that I didn't say anything to her but she's picked the direction we are going in. She's created so much space between us that we don't talk about anything except logistics about the house and kids. Oh well. I guess she needs to get used to it.
Everything else is ok. The sadness of the sitch comes and goes in waves - but it has gotten easier over time.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
You sound really good with all that is going on. Glad you are having so much fun with the kids and putting so much time and effort into them and not worring about what the future holds.
