The Flames are Still Rising....

[His Wife]

I know you are scared. I truly believe all that you had said that he is. His actions show that you have every reason to be concerned. That being said the judge will not care how you feel emotionally about all of this. He will slap H on the wrist for non-payment (have you filed for non payment with the courts?) Failure to pay child support is not always means to deny visitation. Remember that the judge will look at this in the best interests of K and typically having a dad, whether or not he pays child support in better than not having one....It could simply come down to who he likes better in the court room. If your H manages to come across as a normal dad just down on his luck right now and you are percieved and the wronged wife, he will get more time with K. That is why you need a lawyer to speak for you, so it is all business and not emotional.

Did you take pics of K's flea bites as well as document he isnt feeding her properly? Was there anyone besides you there when he returned her to you this way???

if you throw all of this at a judge you may get lucky and he/she will wade thru it all. But you may not and he may disregard all of it. It is the luck of the draw when you are assigned a judge.

Please do yourself some good and get some peace of mind. Find someone who can help you sort thru all the garbage and figure out the best way to present the absolute worse parts of your H to the court so that you can maintain the agreement you have. You need to show your H now that when he pulls this crap you will fight back with everything you have available to you so he knows he OW and their "paralegal" cant win against you.

Otherwise, he will be dragging you into court every 6 months trying to get more visitation so he can lower his cs payments. Use the anger you are feeling now to propel you forward and stop thinking that if you play nice so will he. He wont. He is backed into a corner with this new baby and OW and because he isnt contributing to the household income he is trying to lower the bills he does have which include K's child support.

[Startingover2]

Get an attorney!! Sell that beautiful car of yours if you have to...J/K! You need some legal help with this one.

Your H may be asking for 50/50 on paper to lower cs but never follow through with it. I wouldn't bet the ranch on that, but I do believe its motivated by money. He still is instable as heck and I wouldn't want K there either. Look into the ages for 50/50 in California. I was told there is no way babies will have to do overnights until they are at least 18 months and both parties agree.

[His Wife]

Another thing you can possibly use in court is a declaration signed by Kendall's peditrician stating that it is not in her best interests to have overnight visits or extended custody with her father at this time due to her age and her needs since they are already caring for another infant. If you took Kendall to the dr. for the flea bites or any other issues that occured under her fathers care they could include that as well. I am still searching thru code sections to see if there is anything set in stone in CA. 18 months seems to be the rule but nothing concrete there. Overnights can be granted as early as 6 months per the code if non custodial can prove there is a need for it or it is in the best interests of the child. They may also consider her needed more time to bond with her "brother". This can get ugly and out of control really fast. Please get help.

[Sugar and Spice]

Blindsided if you don't take another piece of advice from anyone on these boards, please, please, please heed the advice to get an attorney. I am an attorney's kid and I KNOW how ugly it can get. Find someone to act not only as an advocate for you, but for K. If you have pictures or medical reports to back up your position, all the better. The time for being nice has past, do what is best and right for your baby girl. I'm praying for you.

[blindsided1]

I am terrified. But, I talked to my lawyer friend. I sent him the paperwork H served me with. He said to put everything down....all his missed visits, the fact that he doesn't ever ask for extra time even though he is not working, he doesn't check on her during the week, her coming home with flea bites. He even said to put in there the fact that he was charged with assault and battery years ago for hitting a pizza delivery guy. He got probabtion, but it shows his nature. He said he would look at my paperwork and tell me what to get rid of and what to exaggerate, then file on Tuesday. I hate that I feel like I have to play hard ball. But, this is NOT about H and I this is about KC!!!!! I know that many people believe 50/50 is best for the child. But, not in this circumstance. H just is NOT a parent, he is not putting her first..never has. He would only hurt her if she learned to be like him. I'm sorry, I know that is harsh. But, he is just not a good person...right now. And, I do not see him making any effort to change or be better. So, until he does....I have to protect her.

Last night I worked at a fundraiser for a crisis intervention hotline I volunteer at. I had asked my niece to babysit. I told H to bring her home at 7. He said that he wanted to bring her home later. I said no later than 7:30. She needed to go to bed and I wanted her to have some time with her cousins. This was Tuesday we texted about last night.

So, yesterday I sent him a text "I told niece that you would be there no later than 7:30. Please let her know when K ate last"...... no response. At 1pm I called K's school to make sure he picked her up, he had. So, at 7pm I get a text "I'll bring K home at 8" I said no, that was too late. We agreed on 7:30 so please get her home as soon as possible. He said okay and then brought her home at 8. I know he is pushing the envelope with me and trying to exert his control. This is what he does. So, I have decided that we are going to have to go by the book for a while. Until he sees that he can't just do what he wants.

I have to see him tomorrow for the K exchange. I really have nothing to say to him. But, I am angry about the 50/50 and he knows it. I just hope I don't say anything about it to him...it would just end up being a fight. But, part of me feels like I need to thank him for once again, being a total jerk and trying to take more from me...it's not bad enough that he destroyed our M, our family, he hurt me, he was overly cruel and now he wants to take the most important thing to me....all I have left of my family...KC. I hate him.

[Kalni]

Hi,
it's been a while since I posted but I always keep up with you. Please dont feel guilty for doing everything in your power to stop your H getting 50% custody since is it important for K. He probably thinks you will not play hard ball but this is the one time you MUST(or at least one of the few). Follow your lawyer's advice and fight for what you think is right.
xxx
K

[blindsided1]

Just checking in and procrastinating about filling out the paperwork...but, I will do that shortly.

Dropped K off this am. It was fine. I was fine but not overly friendly, just kinda "whatever". He knows I hate him, right now. He bought (or had an extra) me a car seat. I told him thank you, but I already bought one. He took K out of her seat and she cried...she reached out for me. I took her and she just layed her head down on my chest and held onto my shoulders. He didn't seem bothered by it. I let her sit there for a minute while he tried to get her to smile. Then I gave her back. She cried as he put her into his truck. I leaned in, kissed her, told her I loved her and to have fun at Daddy's. This is all so wrong. How could he do this to our family? Whatever. It's done. I really do not feel any love for him anymore. It's a choice I made. I do not want to love him anymore. I do not want to care about his life or him or whether he is happy or not. If it wasn't for K, I would wish that I had never met him. He gave nothing positive to my life except her. He destroys lives. That's what he's good at.

Sorry, venting. I just really do not like him. And, what is with buying me a car seat....hey, how about some food for K or my CS? Why is he doing anything nice for me, why now? He never has before.

[blindsided1]

I just can't keep my mouth shut...not for long, anyway. So, H drops off K tonight and it's fine until I say "Seriously H, 50/50 custody"....fight, fight. We argued. I cried. I told him that I couldn't believe that after everything he has done, he still wants to hurt me more. I told him that he has his family, leave what's left of mine alone. I said that he wants what he wants when he wants it and if he doesn't get it, he hurts you instead. I told him that K is all I have that he has taken enough from me. I also told him that I tried really hard to have a relationship with him over the last year and let go of my anger so that we could be good parents and work together for K. But, that I was done trying. That if he wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, he would have to be the one to make that happen.

I know, I know....I'm an idiot. I was getting really strong. But, this hurts. It hurts to watch him take everything from me and go off and have his happy new little family and leave me in the ruins of our M and our family. I told him that the love I once felt for him was almost gone because he made it very difficult to love him. But, stupid me...I still do. I still do. Damn it. I wish I didn't I wish I didn't.

[Sugar and Spice]

I know, I know....I'm an idiot. I was getting really strong. But, this hurts. It hurts to watch him take everything from me and go off and have his happy new little family and leave me in the ruins of our M and our family. I told him that the love I once felt for him was almost gone because he made it very difficult to love him. But, stupid me...I still do. I still do. Damn it. I wish I didn't I wish I didn't.

Your not stupid. Our emotions make us do things that we can't explain, but its not stupid...its human. Cut yourself some slack. That being said, stop procrastinating and get yourself and K protected. Filing the paperwork has nothing and everything to do with love. It doesn't mean you love him any less, it means you LOVE K MORE and yourself. You are doing great. Keep it up. Everyone has those days, make today a better one and a more productive one for you and your sweet girl. Keep your chin up.

[Startingover2]

Far from stupid. What your H is doing would push anyones buttons. Fight him on this. He's crazy and has proven it over and over. But one thing, stop telling him how much this hurts you. He isn't going to stop because of that. I wouldn't say a word about the custody issue and file your paperwork and let the attorney handle it. He probably doesn't have any money for an attorney so when he sees your stuff he will most likely get nervous.