I'm sorry you're still struggling with this. I'm as pro-marriage as anyone, but are you really happy with this man? Is he HEALTHY for you?
You still seem very enmeshed to me. I think you need to get to a place where you're really OK with or without him, and THEN reevaluate what you even think about him. I just don't think you're there yet.
I want you to understand that him saying he loves her and then saying he loves you is really no different than you saying you want to work on the M and then saying you want to move on. I'm saying this is the emotional sense. His are on a rollercoaster just like yours. At the moment, neither of you can decide what you truely want. I also want you to know this is perfectly normal. Almost everyone here is experiencing the same things.
The best way to lessen the peaks and valleys is to limit exposure to the cause of them. In a simplistic analogy, compare it to touching a hot iron. It HURTS, so you learn to let the iron cool before you reach for it the next time, or more likely you test to see how hot it is before you grab it. Same thing here, you need to limit how close you get. Close meaning communication or interaction when your in a peak or valley of the emotional swing. When you are cruising along in the middle, you feel the best. That is what you are shooting for... staying in the middle.
This is the basis for all of the techniques Michelle is suggesting, GAL, act As If, etc... they all lead you to that middle ground. I know it can be rough getting there, but as you adjust and use the techniques you develop new habits and routines. These are the things you want to do. I refer to this as "moving forward". You simply begin living life using these tools and see if he follows. I know it sounds simple and I also now it is extremely difficult to implement.
Puppy's right, you can't control him, but you can SHOW him how much he is missing and how you much more character you have.
When all is said and done, the best consquence you can ever impose is success. What you have to decide is who gets the consequence, your H or the OW.
Stay patient, set boundaries, pick a path and work through it, I guarantee you will find success.
No, I am not trying to mold him to be something I want him to be. I know him better than anyone and accept all his goods and bads!
I am trying to UNDERSTAND him...I know I know.. thats impossible!
I have decided to really let go. As much as I love this person, if he doesnt love me as much as I love him..whats the point. Love is not supposed to hurt, its suppossed to feel good.
I sat last night and watched a silly video we made on my phone driving in the car as a joke to a friend. I laughed and laughed.. thats the crazy fun loving guy I married. Nothing forced, we were comfortable as a family..(the kids were in the back seat laughing too)
Its a memory of a great day we had together..one of our last.
The one thing that stresses me out is our money. He has left and I have ALL the bills coming.
He hasnt said how much he will give me. We are not going to pay our mortgage anymore... I will live here until I get kicked out. How humiliating...20 years of hard work down the drain! Anyone have any experience with the current forclosure process?
We will not be able to afford two seperate lifestyles again. We did last year and probably got another 7K in the hole. Time to throw in the towel.
I would like to apply as much cash to credit bills as possible to help after the divorce. Hubby will get the majority of our bills and with child support he wont have much. I want to help eliminate as many as possible but he wont talk to me...STRESS!
I hope he will soon..this is the only opportunity we will have to put a couple grand per month on them.
Hubby says I deserve better than him... I know I deserve better than this crappy situation..but I also know he is a better man inside... I tried to help and bring that person back out.I couldnt.
Its kinda funny... the OW has only brough tragedy to our life. She was a close friend of mine, we met at work.. I got demoted from a management position... all in part due to my friendship with her. There is alot involved..too much to write, but if I had never befriended her..would have never happened.
She is like a black widow spider... I learned a valuable lesson and had to hit rock bottom. How different things would be if I didnt befriend her. I feel that way with Hubby. He has made decisions for her...someday he will regret it.
Im in a better place today..cuz I know this is out of my control..and I will continue living with my kids!
They are doing...OK...thats it. At least one of them cries on a daily basis. Ususally my 10y/o. Often my 3 y/o wants to know where daddy is...
My oldest is an intravert..keeps everything inside. I have her going to youth group on Wednesdays.. she loves it. Some of the things she say, she is wise beyond her years.
Another rough day for me.... cant seem to stop crying.
Went to the grocery store to pick up a few items and just burst into tears...looking at fricken food!
I think that my range of emotions today and the inablity to control them tells me I need to try antidepressants again.
Maybe it will be easier to move on if I am not feeling anything.
Tomorrow is my birthday...sucks 39 years old and alone. Last year, even though we were just seperated Hubby took me and the kids to dinner. He tried to make it special..I even thought we had a chance.
That definately wont be happening this year. I wonder if he will even remember.
