Divorced - It's only a piece of paper but I am sad

[glamgirl]

Sorry TL that your h is back to blame. When I was meeting with our C this week and h was in attendance. I asked our C what to say to h when he continues to bring up the blame and is angry over and over.

The C said you say something like h, I am sorry that you are feeling that way. It wasn't my intent and I never meant to hurt you. Then list what they think you are responsible for and then say h can you ever forgive me for behaving this way? Then let it be.

So this is the approach I am going to use every time my h now brings up something from the past that he is still hanging on to. I am excited to see if this works.

I know that I would just be loving towards him in the e-mail, because in the whole grand scheme of things life is truly too short and it's not worth not coming to terms with past hurts.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thank yor for your post, it was very helpful. I will try it according to what your C told you.

[Truelove]

Snodderly,

If you read this, I would appreciate it if you could tell me whether you think that my XH is projecting? I have the feeling he is since HE is the one who changed such a lot.

Thanks. I wish you a lovely week-end.

I am going to an Irish and Scottish folk music concert. Wonder what it will be like.

[Truelove]

The concert was quite nice. I was a bit sad since the songs were quite often about love. Unfortunately, it was a cold and wet evening and my GF did not feel like going out. So I was trying to find a nice restaurant but either they were full or then not god. So I went home and had a light supper.

I just remembered that our wedding day is around the corner and wondered whether that is the reason why XH wrote what he did.

The guy who is writing to me was not able to meet me this week-end. But he wrote that we will meet another time.

Tomorrow will be another rainy and cold day.

[glamgirl]

It's rainy and cold where I live too today TL. All I felt like doing was curling up with a good movie and several blankets. I hope that is not depression for me seeping in.

Those love songs can be tough, but I do admire your spirit of getting out and doing things on a regular basis. Keeps your mind more focused on the future and not the past.

Did you ever respond to your XH through e-mail?

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

We seem to be cross posting. No, I have not yet replied to XH. I am waiting for a few days and thinking what I can write. I have prepared something but will still wait with sending it.

Since you said you would send him a loving e-mail, I have been thinking of sending him a "thank you letter", e.g. thanking him for the nice times we had, etc. Somebody mentioned it on this BB some time ago and I have been toying with the thought ever since.

[glamgirl]

TL absolutely I would send your h a loving e-mail. He is your XH and there is nothing wrong with stating your true feelings if that is how you are feeling.

Something along the lines of XH I too am very sorry that we are D. You know too that is not what I wanted. I wish things could be different and we could go back in time.

I am very sorry that you think that all I was thinking of was finances and it was all about me. I can see how you came to that conclusion. I am truly sorry that it comes across that way, but that was not my intent.

I only wish you the best XH. Yada yada yada.

You see TL how you can turn the situation into something better. When you are the better one and hang onto NO bitterness or resentment you are able to forgive and let go and move on.

It is not easy, but I think it is truly a better way. It allows you to move on from the past and your soul is free.

[job]

True,
Your xh is just plain out to lunch. I wouldn't write anything at this time. This guy is still very much into projecting and the blame game. He will never see the light until he realizes what he has lost....you, your friendship and love. True, I would leave him be for a while.

Of course, he's bitter....you didn't allow him to have everything the way he thought you should have. Marriage is a two way street and you were just as entitled to the money as he was...no, he shouldn't have it all and neither should you. You did the best thing you could do...sought out your half. I wouldn't feel bad about this at all. He's the one that left, spent his money and is now w/o much of anything, or so he says. As for being ill...you can't burn the candle at both ends and expect to healthy, wealthy and wise.

So, my dear friend, True, cut the ties and let his ship sail away for a while. He needs to be allowed to venture forth into the open seas and see that you, his lighthouse are only a distant memory for a while.

True, you do not deserve to be talked to the way he's been doing to you. This man is pulling out the last stops in hopes of making you feel guilty so that you'll give him every penny....don't go there. Cut him loose! It's time he realized that you are no fool.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

Thank you for your post and your suggestion of what to write. I will think about it.

Hi Snodderly,

Thank you for your post, you were spot on with it. I did send him a "Thank You" note since it was around our wedding anniversary. I meant what I wrote in it but was expecting a negative reply.

Bingo – XH's prompt reaction was what I expected. He wrote back that words don't cost anything. If I have any feelings for XH I won't take the money. Only then he will believe what I wrote in the note!!! - You and I already knew that he was only after the money. I will surely not give in and am going dim.

I know from the past that H is trying to manipulate me. I will never forget when he lived with OW he once said to a mutual friend that he can make me believe things since he can write so well.

I am a bit surprised at myself that XH's words did not hurt me as much anymore as they used to, but I guess it helped that I was expecting his reaction.

I will not contact him for a while but since I still need a few things to be sorted out I cannot go dark yet.

On Wednesday I will meet "the hiker" again. As you said before it is quite nice to have no ties with him but I am not sure if he wants to be "just friends" with me.

We changed to summer time on the week-end and the days are getting longer. I am looking forward to spring and summer.

Thank you again for your so appreciated comments, and I wish you a good week.

[Truelove]

Journaling:

Tonight I went to a meeting of the club I sometimes attend. I got to know some more people which is nice.

I am looking forward to going to a lovely place with "the hiker" tomorrow. It is supposed to be warm and sunny in between the clouds.