W and I had a wonderful dinner tonight. I told her it would not be a date, but a time for her to share with me and tell me what was going on, if she wanted.
She told me everything that was going on in her life. It was very revealing.
Apparantly work stress (and if you want my two cents, trying to be counselor and savior to 20+ student workers) has burned her out so badly that her physical and mental health is suffering.
She will be taking a leave of absence, possibly paid.
She is $500+ behind on her car payment bc they were not drafting it out of her account as she had set it up.
The great thing that came out of this is what I hoped: She acknowleges that the rape trauma has been affecting her much more than she gave it credit. She says she has serious difficulty trusting men.
Apparantly she went on a few dates and they ended badly with her biting the heads off of the guys she went out with....they might have tried some moves on her. She says she scared them off.
She acknowledges that what happened in our relationship would have happened to any man she would have married, that the rape trauma issue would have sabotaged it.
Throughout the evening she talked, I listened, she laughed and we enjoyed dinner....it was really really nice. Not quite a date but a reaffirmation that we have a common tie (our daughter) and I hope, that we do have some level of trust.
When I took her home we were talking all the way. She pouring her heart out re all the things she has been going through, talking about practical matters. No specific talk about reconcilliation, but some talk about some aspects of our relationship that caused her problems.
I do really think she has turned the corner though.
She now sees that her problems are not essentially with me, but within herself and coming from her wounds.
I think it will be an interesting month, this mini 'sabbatical'.
Last edited by native; 03/28/0903:58 AM.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
