In all truth to me, you sound like a man who experienced a bad war before and see the signs in time to get prepared for the worst. I am sure your emotions must be like walking a tight-rope between love and hate most of the time. You seem very mature for a young man (a compliment) and I do wish you all the very best for you and your family. As I told another poster today, we who respond on almost a daily basis to people on the board may sound as if we are finding something negative when we are just trying to point out things for them to watch for so they won't hurt themself more in the future. If I were in your shoes and especially being through what you have, I can't say that I would blame you for your actions. I think it is so sad that you have been hurt by two women already before you have reached your 30th birthday. I just would hate to see you get sour on all women or to think they all are cut from the pattern.
Continue to do what works and try to keep down the talk of D and stay positive and I think you will be okay. Hope things won't have to ever reach the courtroom.
Sandi
I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond to me and keeping up with my situation.
Yes, I experienced the whole custody thing before - and I saw what was coming and by the time I was 'surprised' by the D-filing I just sighed and was already making a note to contact an attorney I had touched base with earlier in the week for the possibility of a contested D and began gathering evidence.
I first got married at 18, first S at 18. Second S at 19, first D at 20. Bought my first house at 20. Went through custody, etc. and finished that up at 22. Bought a second house at 22. Cleared out all my debt by 23 except for second house by selling first house. 2nd M at 24. D1 at 26. Death of father in law, affair, testifying against xW to help put her away until 2025, etc. and now 2nd D at 27.
I've been through a lot, but I'm pretty well-grounded. 4.0 GPA in college until this started, steady job for the past 5 years, 8-5 career, weekends off, and basically my major vice was watching college football on Saturday during the fall. Very easy-going, doesn't take much to entertain me, etc.
Not many people my age have been through as much yet are still standing tall - and I am proud of that in a sense. I remain humble, but I try not to come across as arrogant. No matter what I've been through, I've always kept the following verses close since I was going through the first custody situation:
Quote:
Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV) 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
I live that.
And yes - I am walking that tight-rope daily. I love W and I hate W. I just try to focus on my priorities, and make sure that I'm doing what is best for D1.
I talked to W on the phone tonight, we talked about what time I was going to pick up D1, and she seemed adamant that she wanted to pick up D1 from my house (next to OM) and I was telling her I had to do things on her side of town anyway and would just drop her off - so she didn't have a valid excuse so I'm probably ruining her weekend there since her mom has cut her time with OM down to almost nothing.
That being said, I mentioned C over the phone and told her that the last thing I wanted was for her to feel threatened in a situation, and that I thought it would really help us work together for D1 to lay everything out on the table and see if we can work through some issues. That whatever has happened - we were at least friends before and we should try to get back to that point. I told her that I understood it would be a hard thing to do, but it would say a lot about her if she did, and I'd be proud of her if she chose to go. Then I left it alone.
Not going to mention it again, but I'm hopeful she makes the phone call to set up a joint appointment.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
