Thanks for the response, Ali. It's wonderful to hear from someone that was able to turn things around. I'll keep posting and will read the book from cover to cover - thanks!
Colorado is beautiful and we live about 2 hours from the ski areas. H is 31, I just turned 44. So, a big age difference but we never felt like it mattered. Been married for five years, dated for three years beforehand. He had a tougher childhood with divorced parents, bounced around a lot. He always said that because he had to grow up early and take care of his special needs sister and parents at times, that he felt older than his age and I didn't act mine.
It seems he's having a bit of a MLC. Has grown more distant in the past six months. Not wanting to answer questions about what he's doing or who he's with. If there are women involved, I know I get touchy about it and need to work on my trust issues. Since Christmas, he's been pulling away. I've tried to draw him closer but that's had the exact opposite result.
He told me he feels stuck. Feels like he can't be at home and can't be with me. Says we've been moving in different directions. Is resentful of the time I spend with the kids (son's on the basketball team and this last season did take a lot of time). He didn't attend a single game. He just wants to be alone. He hasn't said I love you first in several months, and after reading up, I've stopped saying it as well.
I'm working on my personal responsibility for the sitch. I did put the kids' activities ahead of time with H. I passed on opportunities to do things like ski with him and I should have made him more of a priority in my life. I think I didn't quite know how to balance the needs of my spouse with those of my kids. I also was very quick to pass judgment on any ideas or concerns H would bring up, instead of really listening to him and validating his thoughts. For example, my dtr knew some friends that were smoking a hooka? and H offered to talk to her about it. I wanted to know what exactly he'd say, like I had to approve the conversation ahead of time. I wasn't trusting his judgment.
Logically I understand the 180 and how it should work. I think I'm doing a good job giving him the space he wanted, but I underestimated how difficult it is. Especially when my kids aren't home, I'm feeling lost. Every movie, song, etc. reminds me of him. Gotta find something new and different to keep myself distracted I guess.
