I'd like to consider myself a drug; a strong drug, for the sake of reference, and my W just quit me cold turkey. Maybe lately she has just been having some slight withdraw symptoms. In any case, for me in the grand scheme of things the way our lives are unfolding it has become quite clear that she may not have been a W to me for a while or at different times in our M. I can also say w/out pause that my mind would not be entertaining that thought if there was SOMETHING. It will be a year in a minute and there's just nothing there, other than me waiting in vain. At this point, there is nothing in the world that would help me understand what is and has transpired other than some divine intervention from GOD. I just don't have an answer on my end why this M is where it's at and that's very troubling. I don't know who my W is anymore and it hurts. How do you fix something when can can't diagnose the problem. For the life of me, I just don't understand, only she can make me understand and I know in my heart she will never come full circle whether this story ends good or bad.

Punkt, I returned the gesture and reached out and got no response. She is not genuine in her efforts. I followed through under duress because a day before I asked, a co-worker came to me and said, "What's up with you and your wife", so I asked what he meant and he said that the fellas were talking about it and they knew and heard that my M was in trouble and that me and my W were not together. I was so shook, because I have not told anyone outside my circle. I felt so humiliated and embarrassed it's not funny. I'm really starting to look like a fool in denial. She is apparently talking to people about our M, but not talking to the person she's M to; Me. On returning the gesture, I wanted to talk to her directly, but she did not answer her phone; the usual, so I asked her out through her voicemail. And as I said, I got no response from that although she did call to tell me a day after that she gave someone my business card. I could barely hear her so I asked if she could go someplace quiet and she told me that she was out celebrating her girlfriends' b-day (the friend from hell). I received a txt on my b-day. This particular friend has not put a gun to my W's head, but she has been a huge problem/influence in my M and to my W. Off topic, but she left her husband a week after my W left me; go figure. Word from my W and neighbors is that she caught her husband having an affair. Within a month, they were back together and working it out. Then to add insult to injury, the person she gave my business card to called and on the voicemail he said your WIFE gave me you business card etc; I guess she's my W when its convenient.

It's all getting worse; I'm starting to get a plethora of calls from people/family members telling me they have seen her in a car with someone, and it's apparently someone she grew up with in her childhood neighborhood. As of now, it's all hearsay, but I'm hearing more of it outside of work and at work. Just the other day, another co-worker txt me offering his condolence, he said he heard about the separation. I have to do something for my heart and mind; either move on and or confront the situation head on. Can it really honestly get any worse? No Control, that instantaneous no control is fast and unforgiving at times whether good or bad. Like losing control of your car on black ice or being in a zone in a particular sport you play. But that long lasting enduring no control is heart wrenching. My M and my W are spiraling away and life as I knew it will soon be lost. I can feel it and there is nothing I can do.