MC #6 The tension has eased between H and me and around the house. I don't feel like crying.
I have read the MLC archives extensively and believe my busting the affair was H's awakening. If he is still in some replay, I believe it is the computer gaming.
MC is focused on H and why he can't/won't share emotions. H suggested that it was about H and not between H and me so perhaps he should find an IC. The MC told H it involves OR too so I could be there too unless H was threatened by that. Something clicks between the MC and H so H is easily agreeing to ongoing MC.
I can't explain it but I feel the A is completely over. It seems like the feelings it generated are some sort of life preserver for H but the actual leaving us or PA was never really going to happen. It seems more like some sort of one-up on me to get some control of OR.
H said he is lost and he doesn't feel like OR should be uphill. I think you could replace OR with "life" and H doesn't know why life should be uphill.
H doesn't feel comfortable showing affection to me as that would be "seductive" and perhaps he would fall into the wrong type of R with me. Good to know I still have some redeeming qualities and I'll da-mn well use them if he wants to try again.
So my story for today is that I am not dealing with an extravagant MLC. However, due to the lack of communication skills and emotional disconnection, I'm afraid depression and withdrawal could be a long go.
