Easier said than done. I have to keep reminding myself that every interaction is an opportunity. I would have to say that I screwed up that opportunity this morning. I'm feeling a little cold emotionally this morning.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
oh..I know that it is much easier said than done; believe me.
That's why we're here; to cheer you on every chance we get. No one expects that you can do this right away; but the repetition helps burn it into your psyche.
It's going slow. I have way too much time to think about my sitch. I keep going over and over in my mind what she said about doing bad stuff. I really don't get it. I'm so much in pain right now and so lost. I don't know what the future holds and just feel blah. It's like everyone says here the LBS has nothing but time. Son of a B$#$@!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Well, she just called and said she couldn't go out to eat tomorrow night because she has to work. The only reason I believe her is because if there is a natural disaster they do make them work 24 hour ops. So, whatever. She said I'll bet you're relieved. I said no, I still wanted to go out, didn't you? She said I guess. Didn't ask to speak to my daughter, just asked if she was ok--wow! WTF??? Had a counseling session today and right at this minute I don't want her back. I know an hour from now I may change my mind but I'm still upset that she may or may not have done something sexual with someone and is too afraid to disclose it but is going to allude to it with me to keep me guessing. On top of that, she has made this whole thing to be about me and my faults from the beginning of the sitch but in reality she did something wrong! I honestly don't know what to think about our future together. I think if she wants to come back she's going to have to make some major compromises and changes and if I know this woman, she won't make any concessions. Wow. Stuff to think about.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Man I feel for you, but this is script for WAWs. Most of them that do have EAs/PAa turn around and blame us for everything that went wrong in the marriage. Like we made it so they wanted to go out looking for love, sex, adventure, togetherness, understanding or whatnot outside the marriage. When that outside relationship falls apart, and they realize what they've done, it becomes a blame-game for them. They are good girls! They would never have done what they did in a million years! It must be someone else's fault!
Enter us, the fall guys.
It totally sucks, but we don't have to play that game. We were no saints, surely, but we didn't (usually) cause them to get involved with an OM. That is all on them. They need to work it out for themselves, and in the meantime, we need to GAL and do the things that will improve the relationships we have with our kids, our friends, and our relationship we have with ourselves.
Get off the roller-coaster. Take care of the most important people: your D and you; you can bet your W is taking care of herself right now, too.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
PD, Thanks very much. You are right. Wow, she just called again and asked to speak to D. I said she's in the bathroom. She said, did you tell her I called earlier? Yep, sure did. Does she not care? I said, I don't know(thinking to myself--that's a little bold having the balls to say something like that) Wow--amazing.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Ok, I actually hate her right now. All this stuff she's done and supposedly done are making me sooo angry right now. How could she do what she's doing? what makes people act this way? What happened to having morals? I trusted this woman for 15 years. Why would she do something like this? I am so, so, so disappointed with my life right now. I really wish there was something I could do. She seems so resolved to the sitch. I just don't get how she could just leave everything behind. On top of that, I don't understand how she could do whatever she did with another man---I hate her.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Ok, just blogging. I got a call from her early this morning in which she angrily wanted to know why D13 isn't calling her and she's not seeing her? She basically demanded to speak with her. I had to wake my daughter up for this. Wow. She wanted to be alone and is pissed that D13 doesn't feel like calling. She didn't leave the wife left. She is the one that made this sitch what it is, she should be the one to make the effort whatever it is. I have not encouraged my daughter either way with regard to her calling her mom. I mean really, if you leave and you don't make plans to do anything, what exactly did she expect to happen? That I would make the effort to shuttle my daughter back and forth? That I would dial the phone for my daughter? She's 13, if she has a desire to call, then she will. According to the wife and daughter, my wife spent close to zero together while I was gone to Iraq and now that she's made this mad dash from our home she's angry? Am I missing something????
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
No, you're not, but you shouldn't have woken your daughter up. Tell your wife that your daughter is angry, that you've ENCOURAGED her to call her mother (and to take her mother's calls), but that you can't force her to and that your wife shouldn't either.
If she can't understand that, perhaps you should get some family counseling.
The phrase I used on my wife (who was similarly upset with our D18, b/c D18 was VERY upset and disappointed with her mother) is that "You don't get to dictate how she feels about all this."
