Well, one of our resident volcanoes blew yesterday, and the ash headed right for us (its really cool, you can go to avo.alaska.edu and click on Redoubt), so I had to talk with H about preparation and such. We actually texted for a while, mostly about the volcano, and about how last time one went off he wasn't here either, but it was really good to "talk" to him. I had to get off the phone and get to work and I told him that it was really nice to "talk" to him for a while, he said you too, be careful. After the ash fell it looked like the moon outside.

I wish that I could just take back the last year, maybe put a stop to all this before it all went south. Really, after everything else fades, the anger, indignation, humiliation, what I'm left with is that I do still love him and I am terrified of a future without him. I don't want to push to hard, too early, and I don't even know if I want to push at all. I guess I'm scared to say it, but I'm also scared to not say it.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...