Right. If she is not living with you, I would assume she was still contacting him. That pull is strong. Did you ask her why "she wasn't ready for that"? What is there to be ready for?
Wow, it's been a while since I posted in my own thread. It's been about a year since I've joined DB. I can hardly believe it.
The warm weather and smell of spring has me slightly off balance. I'm getting a lot of "triggers" that are causing the OM thoughts to arise. I'm having trouble sleeping. I met my SIL at the park and had to pass OM place and there is a For Rent sign out. I'm guessing he moved. I got a phone call, which I always let the answering machine pick up now, but I *69 it and it has the same beginning number as the OM so Im guessing he got a new number. WOndering why he called.
OM is a drug, plain and simple. Just like an alcoholic has to stay completely away from alcohol, a cheater has to stay completely away from the OM thoughts and everything.
I want to know what is going on in his life, I want to know where he moved, if he got a job, if he's still going to school, how his son is, how his friends are. I want to know these things, and yet I know that I can never find out these things or they will get the addiction going again. It will consume me.
My H emailed me about 3 times today. His normal loving self. I still feel so lucky. It angers me that these OM thoughts are coming up again. They don't deserve the space in my brain they take. It's just this time of the year I guess.
It's time my H and I go out on a date again. I'm realizing that it has been too long again. Funny how that happens. Things start getting better, you start slacking off with things, and then I find myself getting in a bad thought pattern again. Yep, that's what I'm going to do.
It also helps to know what these thoughts are all about. The feelings I had about OM were completely fantasylike. He was NOT a man that I would be proud to be with. He was someone that filled a hole in me temporarily without having to deal with day to day, REAL life.
Ok, got to make a date happen, and tonight....need something tonight.....maybe we could all go for a walk. There is something about walking as a family, even for a short distance, that brings all my hopes and feelings together. It is an instant warm fuzzy feeling.
Your self-awareness is so wonderful! You are exactly right. It is like an alcoholic. You really do have to put those thoughts out of your mind. They are meaningless. Date night is what we need tonight too. I was thinking I would like a whole Spring Fling, like we used to have in college, with a band playing and people playing frisbee and picnicking on the grass. Where can I find that?
Certainly not in Kansas right now...we might be getting 8-12" of snow!! I am sorry that you are having "triggers" but I think as time passes and your R with your H improves even more, those triggers will fade. Always good to be aware of them as you don't want to "go off the wagon" so to speak.
I am so proud of you. We both have survived a difficult year. But it is getting easier. Now go have fun with your lucky family.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi Didi, Nice to catch up with you. I'm reading "Surviving An Affair" right now by Dr. Willard Harley. He decribes exactly what you are feeling in his book. You are doing everything exactly right. You are working hard to keep OM out of your life. He says that any communication with the OP can cause a major setback. You are truly a wonderful person for realizing what you have to do to save your family. Too bad not every WAS has the courage and sense of family you do. I know that you are on well on the road to recovery, but I still think the book could benefit you.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Your self-awareness is so wonderful! You are exactly right. It is like an alcoholic. You really do have to put those thoughts out of your mind. They are meaningless. Date night is what we need tonight too. I was thinking I would like a whole Spring Fling, like we used to have in college, with a band playing and people playing frisbee and picnicking on the grass. Where can I find that?
Hey Sara, You can head to Panama City Beach and hang out with my DD. She is having the time of her life! Lots of partying and dancing! Not to mention all of the "hotties" she has met! LOL
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sara- SPring Fling, huh? Yeah, that DOES sound pretty nice. At least I live near the Madison, WI campus....lots to see around there, frisbees, music, ...lots of beer....When the weather gets warm, we go down to the "union" where we can sit by the water and listen to an outdoor band and drink. It's pretty nice.
Kat- Slowly but surely we are getting to a good place, aren't we? We will get 3-5 inches of that snow. Blah!
Yoyo- I think I have that book somewhere. I should dig it back out. I had it right after it all went down, read it fast, and went to the next book. It helped me at that stage, but I forget that it could continue to help me. Thanks for that.
I don't know if this would work for you or not, but maybe. I totally agree that another date or more "you guys" time is in order. But do you ever do anything special for your H? Like order flowers for him, or just put together a little package just for giggles that is just his, maybe his favorite candy, cookies, cokes, flowers, a new pen if he writes his name a lot...little stuff like that? It will distract you for awhile and will be appreciated and the thank yous you get for it will dispell the bad stuff. *hopefully*.
I'm proud of you and hope to be where you are one day.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Now go have fun with your lucky family.
