Thank you for your encouraging words. I am happy that I am an inspiration to some of you although I sometimes still getting depressed about how things are.
Hi Sodderly,
Thank you for your wishes and your kind words. I just got back from my sister's. I did not intend to stay so long but she had some pain and small problems after the operation and had to go back to the doctor's the next day. So I stayed until she felt better and had to have another visit to the doctor. However, I went to the ballet last night which was just beautiful. I finally saw a good classical ballet again.
I wanted to go to the jazz concert tonight but got home too late. So I will go to another concert tomorrow afternoon. My GF was also not available tonight and I will probably see her tomorrow.
At the beginning of this week I finally heard from XH. His medical problem is still not good yet. So I thanked him for letting me know and wished him "Get well soon".
Today I received an e-mail from XH saying that he will never understand me. He knows that I care about him on one hand but on the other I made him feel terrible when he was already in the worst period of his life (meaning wanting my share of the property sale after him making a loss), and that he will never forgive me for that.
He goes on saying that he is very sad about the divorce and that it wasn't what he planned when he married me. That he wanted to love me until the day he died. He still looks at the picture of me and cries since he misses that woman so much that it breaks his heart. I changed a lot (perhaps we all do) and he did not know me anymore in the end.
He goes on saying that the new me is very heartless and hard and does not care about his financial future. Nothing would make me part with a cent, or would it?.
He is very bitter about the fact that I used him for financial gain and therefore he is considering if it might be better to break off all contact now we are divorced. The woman he married would not have done such a thing.
Of course, I got very sad at his e-mail although I know he is trying to manipulate me again. I don't know what I should reply or if I should reply at all. But what gets me is that HE left me, had the affair and was divorcing me, and he is still blaming me for changing and not being the same person he married! – Will he ever change his mind about that? And will he ever get out of the tunnel???
The other day I read on TRUSTINGs thread that the WAS just does not want to acknowledge that HIS affair made things worse in the M. It is true since I recall my XH being very angry, moody and not cooperative during that period. I just did not recognize him anymore and could not figure out why he changed such a lot.
I would like to write to XH that yes, I changed and was moody and angry at him because it was HE who was so unhappy with everything and changed himself. And that it was HIM who had the affair and left. And that I also miss the person I married. I would also like to mention that when I stayed with him he did not want to cut all contact with OW and work at our M, and that I had the feeling he did not really want to reconsile.
But is there any point in doing this??? I know I should either ignore XH or just write the old "I am sorry you feel that way", but I can imagine that he must be getting tired of hearing it.
Does anybody have any advice? I know I am an old timer and should know that I cannot change him but I still get so sad about what he writes and ask myself why this happened.
