The last month has been horrible but I think I'm starting to pick myself up off the floor.
My H announced a month ago that he wanted to go to my family's cabin for the weekend to "clear his head". We'd been arguing that previous week about a variety of issues, mostly revolving around what he wants to do and what I thought he needed to do. This is my second marriage and I have two teenage kids from the first. The kids have known H since they were 7 and 8, so he's been in their lives for nine years.
H is an avid skier and chooses ski days over time with the family all the time. He would like to live in the Colorado mountains and we have talked about moving up to the mtns after the kids are in college. Well, a few weeks ago he told me about a job opportunity that came up and it would be a lateral move with the same employer. Rather than being supportive, I shot the idea now straight away. Too many bills, gotta wait til the kids are gone, etc.
Well, the weekend at the cabin has now turned into a month away from home. We've met a couple times and I did everything wrong at first. Begged him to come back, tried giving him little gifts like a CD mix, picnic lunch, I've cried and I've tried the guilt trip. Nothing's worked. His position is he needs to get to the mountains ASAP, and can't be with me. He hasn't used the D word, but did want to separate finances this week.
Then I heard about the 180. For the last two weeks, I've been working on detaching. I told him I can't make him stay with me, and I'm sorry for not being supportive beforehand. I am trying to be encouraging about the job opportunity. I'm not calling or texting. Trying to stay low.
Complicated by a female co-worker that he's been talking to A LOT. I checked his cell phone records two times and asked twice about what was going on. He assured me they're just friends but I suspect there's at least an emotional affair going on. I think the bottom line with this is I can't control him or what he does anyway. I haven't brought up the friend since I started the 180.
We met this week to separate bills. I thought I handled it very calmly and tried to be friendly, asking some questions about the job opp and ski days... At the end of the discussion, I said I thought he was doing better. He agreed and said I did too. I nodded my head and then he said "are you really"? I looked away as not to cry and said yes, I was doing okay and I probably should go.
So, is that comment at the end a good sign or no sign at all? It's probably too early to tell if the 180 is working. Any words of wisdom for me? I'm trying to be hopeful, patient and just give him all the space he needs. But it's hard not being able to talk to my BF. I am reading DB and reading other posts on this site.
