Wow, it's been a while since I posted in my own thread. It's been about a year since I've joined DB. I can hardly believe it.
The warm weather and smell of spring has me slightly off balance. I'm getting a lot of "triggers" that are causing the OM thoughts to arise. I'm having trouble sleeping. I met my SIL at the park and had to pass OM place and there is a For Rent sign out. I'm guessing he moved. I got a phone call, which I always let the answering machine pick up now, but I *69 it and it has the same beginning number as the OM so Im guessing he got a new number. WOndering why he called.
OM is a drug, plain and simple. Just like an alcoholic has to stay completely away from alcohol, a cheater has to stay completely away from the OM thoughts and everything.
I want to know what is going on in his life, I want to know where he moved, if he got a job, if he's still going to school, how his son is, how his friends are. I want to know these things, and yet I know that I can never find out these things or they will get the addiction going again. It will consume me.
My H emailed me about 3 times today. His normal loving self. I still feel so lucky. It angers me that these OM thoughts are coming up again. They don't deserve the space in my brain they take. It's just this time of the year I guess.
It's time my H and I go out on a date again. I'm realizing that it has been too long again. Funny how that happens. Things start getting better, you start slacking off with things, and then I find myself getting in a bad thought pattern again. Yep, that's what I'm going to do.
It also helps to know what these thoughts are all about. The feelings I had about OM were completely fantasylike. He was NOT a man that I would be proud to be with. He was someone that filled a hole in me temporarily without having to deal with day to day, REAL life.
Ok, got to make a date happen, and tonight....need something tonight.....maybe we could all go for a walk. There is something about walking as a family, even for a short distance, that brings all my hopes and feelings together. It is an instant warm fuzzy feeling.
