Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Hi Peacetoday,
We go to different therapists. I did go and sit outside while he had therapy today. He shared some of what he learned on the way home. He felt it was a good session and he might not be so apprehensive for the next one(4/10/09)-that's good for him b/c he dreads therapy. He talked about setting boundaries and doing what feels right for him, not what necessarily pleases others.
He said he'd always been a pleaser, gone along with what others wanted-and that it had nothing to do with me-that it was about him and his history. Of course I'm listening and validating and supporting while he shares and my mind is wondering is he talking about boundaries with me? or is it the OW(b/c she went to his apartment last week and that is when they restarted their affair-she pursued him(he is a distancer))-could be both of us.
He went home from "work"(at his home office here) early b/c he says he has a lot to digest and think about. I stayed upbeat and pleasant and asked no questions! (It is getting easier if I concentrate on it each time we interact). I am kind of down b/c I know that now I must distance myself(there won't be any boundaries to set w/me if I'm not around, not initiating anything)-makes me sad-like I'm giving up on him.
Makes me lonely thinking he probably won't initiate anything with me-he seems distant and closed off now. I do have a few things planned for the weekend with friends, but there's a lot of time in between.
I just hope he keeps contact with the girls(he didn't last weekend at all).