In one of your post you mentioned that this would be your second D and that you had to testify against your xW in court.... it made me think that obviously you have been down this road before and probably your W has witnessed all the mess and legalize that you have gone through with xW. I think in your W's own crazy rebellious way she is doing the D, which she has started relatively quickly, to get back at you/as a way of rebelling per say. I think you guys are playing the divorce war game right now. Difficult for me to explain, but from my sitch, my H knows how badly I wanted to have a family, had fertility issues, went to all these doctors, and it has been a real emotional pain for me. And for this reason, H now has a child with OW and says he feels like he has a family with her, etc. Mean, yes!! What I mean is that there is a thin line between love and hate and our spouses who know us well know what buttons to push. Your W knows that you would be hurt to have to go through another D, and she knows that you will fight her bitterly in the D war and its something you would win because you're good at it. It like something I read in a book, even negative attention is attention. I think you need to stop playing divorce war for a while. Just stop it. Try to postpone any divorce filings. No need to rush anything... you have your evidence. The kids are with you for now, stop playing the game. You said that your main conversations are about your daughter and the divorce, please try to put the D on hold, there should be a way to postpone on your part. Hey, if you will get D, there is nothing wrong with waiting a little bit. But try not to play this war game for a while, have conversations just about your daughter. Try to show her that the upcoming D is the last thing on your mind.
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I may be wrong about your sitch but this is what came to me in reading your post. Try it and see how it works. You can always start back playing the "I declare war/divorce" game at a later time. Try to show her her tactics to get you aroused/hurt is not phasing you one bit. Go on being a good father and happy as can be (with bad days of course) and see if she doesn't rethink her actions. Hey she may go... hey, this isn't bugging him, maybe I should stop.
Good luck.
I have actually considered this a couple of times... she acted so 'shocked' that I dared to hire my own attorney. Everyone who knows what I've been through has said "Well what did she expect? She knows what you went through last time."
So your idea is probably closer than I'd like to admit. I spent all of January saying "I want us to work together and part as friends" and she set us up, knowing it would lead to a fight. She refuses to compromise even on small issues, and all it is doing is setting up the long haul campaign.
Of course, I'm all smiles and talking about the baby and other things in person. Behind the scenes I have been striking fast and hard in the 'war' with the expectation that maybe a peace treaty will be signed, maybe not. But for now I know that I'm at war and will have to execute it methodically and persistently.
I'm not bringing it out into the open... and neither is she at this point. She knows we are engaged, and she knows I've tipped the scales, and she knows I'm not giving her what she wants.
Of course, today I asked if she wanted to set up to go to the therapist together, and she said "I'll think about it."
I didn't bite the hook, told her "I hope you do. I think it would be really helpful for us. Have a great day."
I'm not going to say anything more about it, but I've put the idea out there. I'm hopeful that it takes hold and she surprises me. But I'm not counting on it.
As far as the D, I'm backing off that part emotionally and letting it handle itself. It is just a waiting game at this point.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
