WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[AnotherNightmare]

My only agenda at that point was to genuinely thank her for helping me when I was battling my stomach virus.

Then you should have done that. The massaging part was the pursuing part. Let her start any physical contact, unless it is your true and honest way of showing compassion. What I mean by that, you hug her, hold her hand or whatever you do for her, not for your benefit.

I had noticed in our weekly marraige counseling sessions, I seem to dominate the conversation talking about my feelings/thoughts. She would respond/offer her thoughts on my assessment of our situation. My current thinking for the next session is to just ask her what she is feeling now - namely if she feels trapped, perhaps we can talk about why.

I would judge that she shuts down and does not want to talk about her feelings. Maybe it is a trust issue. She may be afraid that you use it against her later. Who knows?
My recommendation would be you have to live and work with whatever she is willing to offer. You cannot force her to talk about her feelings. The safer she feels, the more she will offer. So your objective has to be to make her feel safe. You can only accomplish that by respecting and accepting everything she says and does. No arguing about it, no "buts", no feelings or opinions from your side about it.

I asked her because in the past when she had gotten this upset, when I went to hug her she got angry.

I strongly believe that humans (and animals probably as well) can sense your motivation behind your behavior. If you hug her with thoughts in your mind like "Oh come on, it is not that bad", she can sense your disrespect for her fear and gets upset. If you hug her with true compassion, she will let it happen and actually feel better afterwards. Try to practice with your kids and you will see the difference.

When she brought up moving out on Monday, I asked did she think she would ever come back.

Do not do that. It shows your insecurity. And it makes you feel bad and powerless. No temperature taking anymore, ok?

When I asked what "negativity" she said it was me.

"Negativity" may be her word for it. In the end, you probably remind her of her fear, her anxiety, all her "negative" feelings she had during your M. Try to look at it in a positive way. It was not working. You were not coming closer together again, while she was in the house. You have gone down so many cheeseless tunnels. You may finally find cheese in the separation tunnel. I have said from the beginning that separation might not be the worst thing that could happen to both of you. It may stop you from triggering these "negative" feelings in her and finally let her heal and rediscover her "positive" feelings.

I was thinking about bringing up her "trapped" feeling in our counseling session on Monday. What do you think?

Do not try to script the MC session. Let her (and your MC) do this. Make her feel safe. By you taking the lead in these sessions, she may feel controlled, at least not safe enough to open up. I would not bring it up, but rather wait for her to bring it up.

She had said that she felt I still was not accepting the reality of the situation. Not sure if this is a tactic on her part to get me to just give her what she wants or what....

Honestly, I think she is right. You are not accepting the reality of the situation and are still trying to change her role in it, which again makes you feel sad, powerless and lots of other "negative" things. It does not help you. You need to look at the positive sides of things and people.