Seperated But Living Together

[2gthrButApart]

Thanks SLH, I hope you're right. It's scary.

I remember back in Dec I asked him, so are you still moving out after the holidays, and he said he didn't know. Then some how the comment came up that even if he did stay it would be for the girls not for me. And I asked him , so does that mean that our M is definitely over and he gave me such a mean look and said yes it is. (this was before I read DR)

Then I went on with the whole "But I've been changing!" crap. And he said you think you can change for 2 wks and everything will be fine! He said you always change for a few wks and go back to the same crap again. He also said I have to want to change for Me and the girls and not for him.

Back then that's when he was basically sleeping on the edge of the bed for us not to touch, phone calls were only about the girls, TM stopped. Then I kept up with my PMA, and he bought me really nice x-mas gifts, like really went out of his way, and said it feels better to give than to receive. We were still rocky, and on Jan 15th he mentioned the D again, b/c the oven was dirty. Said he's tired of all of this and knows that the best thing for him to do is leave and for us to get a D. I just said OK, b/c I had been reading DR by then. Little did he know I had a surprise party set up for him for the following night, invited a lot of his family and friends over, he gave me such a kiss when I did that. I even invited 2 Very Good friends he hadn't seen in about 6 yrs. That was his biggest surprise ever.

Ever since that day things have been getting slightly better, and a bit more friendly. We are up to 4 kisses on the lips since that time, and hugging me at night instead of hanging off the edge of the bed. And when I hug him at night he scoots really close to me.

When we were having MC, the therapist saw us individually, and said my H doesn't feel appreciated. So I'm working on that w/o trying to persue. It's confusing. A lot of times I play it off thru the girls, but I verbally tell him a lot of times thanks for this or for that, and how much I love and/or appreciate something he did or got or said. I hope we are close to reconciling.

This AM when he left and he gave me the kiss on the cheek, the look he gave me was like "I can't leave to another country with just a kiss on the cheek" like he felt bad doing that, then he gave me a kiss on the lips, it felt really good, but I'm so scared that I'm leading myself on.