When he calls I will sound upbeat, ask him if he's having fun, won't complain about ANYTHING (him not calling when he said he'd call, things the girls did, household headaches, work headaches Absolutley No Complaints)
When he's gone on previous trips, I've been a big nagger and complainer when he's called me to say hi. I wait and wait for his call then when I get it I'm a grouchy Bit**. B/c then I feel resentful that he's having a good time and I'm "stuck" here. When he hasn't called me when he said he would my insecurities would kick into high gear and when he'd call I'd accuse him of cheating and ask him if that's why he hasn't called me. Full on Crazy mode. I see now that this has driven him away.
On his last trip he was telling me how much he missed me more than any other times he's gone away, then 3 days after he got back he dropped the bomb. I asked him about everything he was saying while he was gone, and he said it's true he did in fact miss me more than ever but when he got home he realized he was coming back to the same old shi*, and that "this" just isn't for him.
I want him to feel good coming home.
So... ~No calling him 6x a day while he's over there and sending him a million texts. ~No nasty attitude when we do speak ~No nagging if he doesn't call, I'm not his mother, he's on vacation for crying out loud who the he** wants to be "checking in" every few hrs, or nightly. ~Ask him upbeat questions, like how his day went, did he go fishing w/ his dad etc ~Clean the house top to bottom, make it feel like a sanctuary when he gets home ~Help the girls plan a nice Welcome Home event for next sunday, make posters and cook a nice welcoming dinner (like old times) ~When he gets back NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS about his trip, NO ACCUSING, INSECURE questions or comments ~ Keep the house it top shape, and remain cheerful.
He gave a me a goodbye kiss on the lips when he left, let's see where my changes can take us. He's inching towards me, I have to show him I'm for real. I love my H with all of my heart, I don't want any other man, I have to prove my devotion to our marriage by being the wife he married and being the woman I want to be, again.
One of the things he's said when we began having our M problems over a yr ago was that when he goes to see his dad, that's when he finally feels happy. Said he feels free over there. I have to change the nasty, negative person I've become so that our home can help him to feel that safe also. He says he hasn't been unhappy in our M for about 4-5 yrs. That's how long I've been feeling so much hostility built up. I was a SAHM to 2 toddlers back then, and resentment and anger and all sorts of emotions took over my happy positive self.
Lately I've been light, and joking, acting silly, not taking things too seriously and he' been responding differently. We've been getting along great. I'm trying my best to act the way I acted when we first met, even being silly sometimes, and it feels relieving, and I think he missed it. But now it seems like he's a lil' scared, and he has every right to be. He probably thinks I'm different until we get back together then all the bad things will come back. But I can swear with every fiber of my being. If God saves my M and brings me and my H back together I will never take our M, him, or our love and family for granted ever again. I will live every moment like it's our last. I just want my H, my M and my family back again. I don't want any other man in my life but him. I will continue to work on me so he can feel safe enough to come back "home".
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
