I have kept up with you. They are so irrational with what they do. Your H is no different. My H was angry then he wants us to be friends.but right now that really isn't possible. With OW in the picture, I would just be doing an injustice to myself if I said I could be friends with him.
My H can't seem to let go of me but isn't moving to keep me either. I am over of hanging on to every little thing he does.
Hi Mach, Thank you..Everyday it has to get better ..right?
Thanks Plenty,
After awhile you realize its not you ..its them. If H was so damn happy wit his choice why would he need me in his life?
Last night, H and I had a few words. Just me being honest. THe judgment for the divorce came in..it wasn't good for me.
I asked H how he possibly could look me in the face tell me he cares for me, loves me..but has done what hes done..No answer.
Last night he texted me again..mundane things..just trying to get my attention as usual.
I ignored it. Today he dropped D8 off..I just grabbed her and went my merry way.
He just looked at me like for some kind of sign.
D8 made a scrapbook while she was over there. Its filled with pics of H and I. Under my family and my mom and dad. Weird.
I'm just going to be the best I can be and he will be filled with regret. Because no matter what. OW would never be ME and I am FABULOUS!!!!!
kiki, If you ever want him back, don't give him any reason to think "that's why I found OW, and left my wife". If you can, try to be loving towards him. "Kill" him with kindness where possible so he'll see what he can come back to.
I feel like no matter what I do , H will do whatever he wants. I have been his friend. He has done horrible things. Accused me "on paper" of things a worst enemy wouldn't. But i have taken the higher road and extended my kindness. I realize he WANTS me to be his friend. Fine with everything. It probably eases his guilt. Like nothing is wrong. He has me and OW happy with him.
He can choose to be with her but I can't pretend everything is fine. I have. Where does that get me? He is not happy when I pull away. Why is that? If he made the right choice, it shouldnt matter what i do.
You are always there for him You bend over backwards to accomodate him You extend the hand to him......
HE knows this and he uses that to his advantage to get what he wants and he always gets what he wants now doesn't he?
Business and your financial matters NEED to come first now. HE and his hooker are now officially on the back burner for you.
Let him come to you. YOU ARE THE PRIZE KIKI!! YOU ARE and of course your wonderful daughter.
Stop letting him do this to you.
Please
You are better than this.....and you know it.
You can't see how he has taken your self esteem and just shoved it into a dark corner can you? He has...and he knows it.
I'm sure police officers are mandated to take courses in psychology and how the human brain reacts to certain situations.....he's using it on you!
He is the one that needs to get help and you need to let him go and do it on his own and be done with him until he can act like a civil person to you. Until then......you are nothing but coridal (if that) to him. Nothing more.
No talking No texting No nothing
Remember, when you have children divorce is forever being involved with the gone spouse and unless this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.....you need to change it up now.
You know I love ya!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Kiki, Yes, it makes sense. I understand about you needing to pull away, and I know you have taken the high road. Not suggesting that you pretend everything is fine. Just suggesting to continue to be kind and not to avoid him or put up a wall. Trust me, I do know how hard it is to continue being kind. For me, I do ask God to give me the strength to continue being kind.
There is a difference in "being kind" and letting yourself be abused just for the sake of restoring your marriage.
Kiki needs to set up some serious boundaries and stick to them for once, as she hasn't really did that in all these years due to her kindness, which has got her nowhere with him.
Nothing is going to change unless she changes it.
Nothing
Wait....yes, something will change, her living conditions, that is almost a certain change and not of the good kind.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I know what you mean, Plenty. It is VERY hard to continue being the better person. I will be who I am, at a distance. But for now, the only thing we will communicate about is D8.
Wait....yes, something will change, her living conditions, that is almost a certain change and not of the good kind.
Lol..you are a pain in the a**. You are certainly right.
Quote:
Kiki needs to set up some serious boundaries and stick to them for once,
I will have to humble myself and say this is absolutely true. I do it for a while, but my plain addiction to H pulls me back in. There is no turning back now. It is what it is.
My sister said the same thing. She can't possibly understand why I am so kind to him. It is in my nature but there has to be a boundary. I have to respect myself enough not to settle anymore.
It has been 3 years of this. It has been back and forth, up and down. Its finding the will in me to change my situation.
