Ok, so I have been unable to use my laptop all week but all been reading postings through my cell phone and have been dying to share with you a message that came to me when reading your post. Funny thing is that I just read Sandi's post and my thoughts are somewhat in line with hers... but no so much really. Anyway, here I go...
In one of your post you mentioned that this would be your second D and that you had to testify against your xW in court.... it made me think that obviously you have been down this road before and probably your W has witnessed all the mess and legalize that you have gone through with xW. I think in your W's own crazy rebellious way she is doing the D, which she has started relatively quickly, to get back at you/as a way of rebelling per say. I think you guys are playing the divorce war game right now. Difficult for me to explain, but from my sitch, my H knows how badly I wanted to have a family, had fertility issues, went to all these doctors, and it has been a real emotional pain for me. And for this reason, H now has a child with OW and says he feels like he has a family with her, etc. Mean, yes!! What I mean is that there is a thin line between love and hate and our spouses who know us well know what buttons to push. Your W knows that you would be hurt to have to go through another D, and she knows that you will fight her bitterly in the D war and its something you would win becuase you're good at it. It like something I read in a book, even negative attention is attention. I think you need to stop playing divorce war for a while. Just stop it. Try to postpone any divorce filings. No need to rush anything... you have your evidence. The kids are with you for now, stop playing the game. You said that your main conversations are about your daughter and the divorce, please try to put the D on hold, there should be a way to postpone on your part. Hey, if you will get D, there is nothing wrong with waiting a little bit. But try not to play this war game for a while, have conversations just about your daughter. Try to show her that the upcoming D is the last thing on your mind. Another example of what I think is going on, so H and I have an investment property, a few weeks ago I told H that I am going to file for the property in my taxes since he walked out and is unrealiable with $ right now. H got upset and as usual, says I can have everything, called our realtor friend for the 100th time to get his name off the property. Mind you in Dec. I went alond with his refinancing game, sent papers to the realtor for H, and he was supposeding going to take the property and give me 50%. H never showed up. So this time I told H when he told me to call the realtor again, no the only papers I will sign at this point is divorce papers where we are settling everything. I am not calling the realtor. Since then the matter has not been brought up. H doesn't want to get D this I know but he wants to play these games like a little kid in retaliation.
I may be wrong about your sitch but this is what came to me in reading your post. Try it and see how it works. You can always start back playing the "I declare war/divorce" game at a later time. Try to show her her tactics to get you aroused/hurt is not phasing you one bit. Go on being a good father and happy as can be (with bad days of course) and see if she doesn't rethink her actions. Hey she may go... hey, this isn't bugging him, maybe I should stop.
