When last we met, W "found" -- for lack of less measured term -- an email from SP's mother in which said mother lashed out in what was, to be truthful, an inappropriate way.
And SP busted W, within limits, on her EA and has, in addition, correctly identified the enabling girlfriend. Who is single. Of course.
After WAW and SP had a couple of spats -- though SP never raised the voice, never argued back -- the tension level in the house has dropped.
Today we see S's therapist to learn how to break the news to him. WAW is actively on the housing market and looking for a new place, effective 6/1 or 6/15 -- after the school year ends, to minimize potential behavioral disruptions by children.
We gave up the idea of a "date" as a different opportunity presented itself and are now having an "outing" with friends from out-of-town whose kids are friends with ours. Less pressure, insulation, ability to talk to others. Give us a chance to take each other's measure.
And something clicked in SP. I've been in a good mood the past couple days. It's as if I've achieved "as-if-itude." Starting some new activities on Saturday and Thursday next. Work is going well. I've accepted some speaking engagements. And, though I know it doesn't comport with the main body of opinion here, if WAW intends to "date" while we are physically separated -- which is her expressed intention -- then fine, off she goes.
Had a good session with DB Coach yesterday, picked up two new strategies and some suggestions for tonight's outing.
It ain't easy being a Double-Nought Spy, Uncle Jed, but someone's gotta do it.
The first, official, post-D-bomb, we're separated-and-divorcing outing commences in 8 hours. The others at the table will NOT know about it, however.
DB Coach said to bring a list of table topics to the outing in the old hip pocket. To engage WAW in conversation from time-to-time and to focus on others in the group (about 6 couples -- and us) from time-to-time. To be pleasant and open to everyone, because WAW will be observing and evaluating.
So, my friends, suggestions? I am open to suggestions on dress, conversation, behavior, food to order (we are going to an Irish pub that the out-of-town couple used to frequent when they lived here), food NOT to order. I am already decided that I will consume NO alcohol. Anything else? First outing experiences to share?
If it is like the groups we go out with, make sure you have a couple of good "Man" discussion starters ("How about that game last night..."). I have found that the Women will tend to cluster and talk (even if separated around the table), leaving the men to smile and nod. Someone then has to start up the parallel conversation between the men - and there's your chance to shine.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
Good thought on no alcohol, SP. You might want to have a quick response if someone asks why you're not drinking in a pub. (Yes, people can be that rude without meaning to be.) You can make a joke, such as, "I'm pregnant." Or, you can say that you want to be clear-headed the next morning for some reason.
Look CUTE. Be charming. NO sarcasm. NO "inside-joke" jabs. Pretend you don't know your W and you're just a guy in a bar with some acquaintances.
It might be difficult to control your non-verbal facial and body language. Try not to distance yourself too much from your W if you really want your friends to believe you're still together. Which leads me to:
Why the heck are you guys going out with friends right now? I think it's stressful to have to pretend you're together. It would be different if you were all going to see a movie or a play or stand-up comedy. But, you're going to a pub. Nothing to do but face each other and talk. Too much pressure. I think I'd get 10 ulcers in that evening.
If you can fake it well, you scare me a little with your master manipulation talents.
Anyway, whatever happens, I'm vibing good stuff for you.
Lucky, it's a good question, and here's a good answer.
The "main" couple -- the out-of-towners -- moved away last year. Our children went to school with them from pre to K. We took a 2-family vacation last summer with them. We email and chat with them regularly. So for us NOT to show on the one weekend they're out visiting, well.....
Where we're going has a dining area -- this was a regular event with the couples in question -- with a big, sort of oblong set of tables. So it will be 14 adults around an area, with 7 or so kids clustered at a kids' table with coloring and nintendos and so forth. So we may well sit next to each other, but can chat with people across or next to -- or, as DB Coach strongly encouraged, each other from time-to-time.
This is in lieu of a "date" WAW wanted to go on -- was quite insistent about, even when she was enraged by the nasty email SP's Mom sent, where we WOULD have been staring across the table at each other.
This way we figure we'll have a kind of cushion in other people.
