Well done Julia. It sounds like it went brilliantly and I'm so pleased because it sounds like you had a real breakthrough with him. I really hope you guys can carry on in the same spirit (I'm a big fan of staying friends, as you know!).
((Julia)) - I'll chime in with a 2nd WOW!!! I'm so pleased it went well for you!! I'm sure you have many mixed emotions. So many parallels to my sitch. So it seems, he too has spent this time thinking about you & trying to forget.
Awesome job!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hi J, I hope you got some sleep, I am sure your mind was in overdrive. I am so happy that is wasn't as bad as you feared and you managed to say all you wanted and resolve some things.
Life is really odd at times isn't it or is it me that just feels that. Now enjoy your week end with the meeting out of the way.
Well, it was a good break. Really good fun with my old pals.
I had a lot of time to digest and think about what happened but I was really careful not to over think, as I have a tendency to do. I am being positive as Jeff suggested and looking at this as hopefully a fresh start, a new relationship - not in the romantic sense but hopefully a friendship will start to happen and the reticent bs and eggshells can be thrown out. It will be relief to let go of that baggage!
Naej, you were right that my brain was in overdrive! I had such a fantastic time that I also forgot about it a lot too which did me good.
He sent me a text that evening saying
"Hi, I just wanted to say that it was really nice to talk earlier and I'm really glad that we both think that we can still be friends despite everything I’ve done. Like I said I think I would find it very sad if we stopped speaking to each other or meeting up and stuff. Anyway I hope you have a nice trip. H"
I replied the next day saying
"me too :). Have fun at (a theme park he was going to)."
My brother told me today that he had seen H at the station the other day and had not stopped and talked to him. He observed that
"his trousers were too short, he was very big and looked real tired"
Hmmm... So we shall have to see what happens next. I texted H this morning about whether there had been any more viewings and asked if he had been affected by the protests going on this week. He replied saying there had been a few viewings and that he wasn't affected. He then asked how my weekend away was. I replied a few hours later telling him a little about it.
I'm not really sure how to progress now. Do I encourage us to meet more regularly? Do I leave things to progress naturally?
I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of how you've been handling this. Way to go!!!! I am also very interested in hearing your ideas for new goals for yourself. I completely understand giving them secret space to germinate in (I think that's why I haven't been posting much myself).
Question: what is your intention at this poin? what is your goal with H? what is your true heart's desire? It sounds like you feel relieved to talk about D, excited to be moving forward with your life. Are you "done"? Are you still interested in being with your H, romantically? Or are you happy to be friends with him, and make space for a new man in your life to love you? Whatever the answers are, I support you entirely in your decisions and I am so proud of you. You are in a completely different place than you were a year ago!!!!!!!!!!
I guess in terms of how to progress, maybe just leave things to progress naturally? It seems that is working for you already. unless you feel a reason to do otherwise, if there's some kind of timeframe to push for more frequent meetings.
PS I'm so sorry I haven't posted to you in so long, I didn't realize that you have moved to "surviving" and for weeks I was like, "where is julia???" And I finally found you here. I'm sorry, sweet friend!!!
Hey Julia, I echo T's questions, I was going to ask those myself!
And yes, seems your H is very relieved that it is ok to contact you now, which seems to prove what my wise ole mum keeps saying.. its like they feel they dont have the 'right' to contact you. So you have given him that persmission and it seems from over here like he is contacting you more frequently now and less of the reticent BS as you say (yep, had plenty of that myself, in bucket loads). So maybe just really try let go and let it develop naturally? Sadly, he is now livig with OW, so any friendship is going to be limited by that (unless he allows you to meet her, or you would be ok about meeting her, or she would and I doubt thats a yes to any of that!).
Lastly.. how did you feel about his statement, or apology, when he said... "I'm really glad that we both think that we can still be friends despite everything I’ve done." ... so true to form, he is guilt ridden. (what is wrong with these WAS's?) I guess its because its not a 'normal' breakup.. where theres an element of it being mutual, or you have been argueing, or are not compatible.. its more like, things were pretty fine, or normal, whatever that is.. and then they meet a woman at work and BAM, they're gone.
You are doing so well though, its hard hey, but think we can see th light at the end of the tunnel hey, if not out into the sunshine yet.
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
thanks guys, I feel like I have a lot to digest!