Okay, well. H is totally crazy. He just called me a little while ago after the earlier conversation and told me this isn't going to work. I love OG. Okaaaayyyyyy..... I'm off this roller coaster.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Okay, so the saga continues. I'm no longer trying to DB, because I have just decided he's crazy and I'm getting off. Appearantly, the girl was jealous and upset because H was here tonight and not with her. His change of tune from our convo was because og "forced" him to call me and tell me we're done.
Ha,ha. Okay, so then appearantly they kept arguing so he calls me back again. He starts asking me these really strange questions like, what did I say to make you think we had a chance? When was the last time I kissed you? Ummmm... okay psycho, lets see... You told me you loved me and were all over me in my kitchen tonight. Then I hear, name of ow, and he hangs up. So, I call him back to find out what the hell is going on and she answers. I guess she was trying to make him ask these questions so that she could hear the answers. Yes, this is a teenage shinanigan because it involves one teenager and one man acting like a teenager.
So, og and I have a nice convo since she answered his phone. Obviously, he has been lying to both of us. She had no idea of course that he was still coming over here telling me he loved me and sleeping with me about once a week. So, I very honestly answered her questions, told her I was finished trying to do anything with him, and if she chose to pursue a relationship with him that she should know that he's been lying to both of us and has major issues with honesty. That's why we split up to start with.
Oh yes, he told her I was dating someone else, so it was okay for them to date. I cleared that up for her and told her I wasn't dating, I didn't have time for it, and I had two kids that I needed to help through this mess. No time for dating. She asked about him seeing my kids, so I also took this oportunity to tell her that they were just now making the adjustment to their parents living apart, so I do not feel that it is appropriate for them to be around her right now. She agreed. Appearantly she is a "child" ha, still is, of divorce, so she knows first hand. I told her that I did not have any annimocity toward her, because she is not the one that was married getting involved with someone else. We discussed the fact that he is a very confused man right now, and has lied to everyone. She said her eyes have been opened now. I told her that I answered her questions honestly, because at this point I have nothing to gain by lying to her. I am finished with this mess. I told her that I was too "old" (ha,ha) to be playing games like this and being lied to all of the time. That is why our marriage split to start with. I am just focused on helping my kids thorough this without causing too much damage.
So... I've never seen anyone post their convo with the ow (og in my case) on here. I can't believe this happened, but when she answered the phone I figured I might as well speak to her honestly and have nothing to lose. Woman to woman, she is being maniupulated too. Wow. I wonder what he is going to do now. She may be young enough for him to convince her that I was lying to her. She may not. They may end up together, or he may end up alone. I know we will not end up together. LOL She seemed like a nice young girl. Poor thing, she's getting a train wreck if she keeps him.
So, wow. All in all I feel relieved and like speaking to her was actually good for me. He's lied to everyone.
I will not initiate any contact with him. He can contact me for the kids and the child support. I will go back to the lawyer and get ready to file the D. I feel more at peace right now with this decision than I have this whole time. I have been keeping the door cracked for the hopes for my family. It's time to close it and lock it. She asked me why I kept the door open and kept seeing him, and I told her the truth. That we have a family and I felt like I had to give this every oportunity to work out before I tore my kid's family apart. She agreed. This is very surreal. All I have to say is wow.
Why would he even agree to call me and ask these stupid questions in front of her when he damn well knew the answers and that he was lying to her?????? Makes no sense. What is he thinking?
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
And I know he will probably hate me for "ruining" his relationship with the OG. I don't know why he put her on the phone. He had to know what would happen if he has a shred of sanity left.
Can't wait to be beaten with all of your 2x4's tomorrow. I don't know, I did the best I could with the situation I was given.
Jack, if you're gonna tear me up, just don't hit submit, okay???
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Okay, so back up so soon and getting ready for work. S8 has ballgames all weekend for a tournament. Not planning on initiating contact with h to remind him like I usually do. He can call me if he's interested in showing up. What a freaking train wreck this whole situation is.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Hey S, no 2x4's from me. First, your h is lost and in crisis. Does not excuse his having an affair at all. On top of that, he always had honesty issues. So that is why he is acting as he is. He is a mess.
I think you are right in going dim wit him. Get yourself together and your kids through this. He is not your problem. Leave him with his little friend.
Dbing is first and foremost about you. It is about figuring out what things about you that you would like to change, for YOU. It is about finding what makes you happy and strong. It is about GAL and knowing what you want in a relaionship moving forward.
I am sorry you had to deal with all that. I almost feel sorry for the little girl that is with him.
I think you handled yourself with dignity and honesty.
Now take care of you and your children. Let him and his friend blow in the wind.
Dbing is first and foremost about you. It is about figuring out what things about you that you would like to change, for YOU
Exactly.....
Looks like I missed all the excitement.
So, This board is great and so are the people here, but ultimately you are the one who has to call the shots, make the tough decisions and do whats best for you. That is why it's so important to do the work.
I'd like to comment on what happened, I'll be on the road today quite a bit but I'll jump back on in a while.
Okay, so the saga continues. I'm no longer trying to DB
That is a decision that only YOU can make. A question though..IF you are not trying to DB anymore, then what exactly are you trying to do ? DB'ing is so decieving, cause it really isn't about saving your marriage, it is about saving yourself.
From what I see....Trapt has been trying to get you to read all you can about this, and to understand this plight from YOUR perspective. It doesn't make it much easier for the day to day stuff, except that you will be better equipped to deal with these interactions. What you are seeing is nothing new to anyone here, and the things you are hearing from him is nothing that we all haven't heard at one point.
Please understand that this is HIS path to walk, but you also get to find YOURSELF through this. I'm assuming that you are not perfect, cause no one person is, so what are some of the things that YOU can do for you ? Changes in the kind of person that YOU want to be ?
If you truly are done with this....answer ONE question for me please.. Are you going to be able to look your children in the eye one day and tell them that YOU did everything that YOU could do to give them a happy family environment through their childhood ? Cause I'm thinkin at this point ? Without actually DOING the work ? Your answer would be no.....
It would be fairly easy to say that you came to a website that promoted saving your marriage, play around a little, NOT do any work, and then say that it was a scam and it didn't work, I'm sure the kids will understand that one day.
SoCo, you are here, with some of the best DB'ers trying to help you along. Why not take advantage of that and really DO the work to save yourself. The resources are readily available to you. Take advantage of that....use that to educate yourself on what is REALLY going on in his head before you jump on the I'm done wagon.
As far as the interaction on the phone last night? You handled what you allowed yourself to be sucked in to well. Although you still ALLOWED yourself to be sucked into that. And you gave her too much value in this for you. You spent the evening with him ( as well as the computer complaining about spending that time with him ), you didn't want to, had an interaction where you set boundries to him, and STILL felt that you had to answer the phone when he called you after he left.
Peace SoCo.......I hope you find it within yourself....
