Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

So I have to say what happened tonight because it was so weird...

First, I asked my IC (who is seeing both of us if we should start IC again, and he said "Not until you both want to go" but that it was "not good that you never talk about the R" and "we need to talk" and that (since he has been seeing her and therefore knows her as well) "it is going to be up to me to make that happen, because she is not going to take that step"

So I am thinking about that and promising myself that I am going to post here first and that tonight is going to be fun only and no R talk.

I got home from my IC session and the music was on in the house (Bob Marley) and the boys were running around and everything seemed fun so I started dancing around with the boys - great time....and then my wife came into the kitchen and turned off the music....

Now she was the one who turned it on so...

I asked why she had turned it off and she said "I didn't want it on" ... OK... WTH???

Then she announces that she has been looking at movie listings and that she would rather go to a movie than to the comedy club I had picked out. I replied that I had made plans and that she had agreed and I was still going to carry through with that and go do the Comedy club. She said OK but it was really a non-answer.

so then she went down into the playroom with the boys. I poured 2 glasses of wine and followed - gave one to her (she looked at it like it was poisoned) and drank one myself while playing with the boys. She sat there on the couch in the playroom and looked miserable.

The babysitter came and we went to the club (silence in the car the whole way except for some small talk I made). She made some derogatory comments about "the place looks like a dive..." We got there and she commented that she was surprised and pleased with the place and we ordered drinks. However, she looked completely miserable and was even crying a bit. Also she kept texting and receiving texts. I asked her if everything was OK and if she wanted to talk about anything and she said (almost sobbing) "No!". I asked her if we should start MC again since there was a lot of stress in our lives recently and we had a lot to talk about and she said "why do we need the C to talk?" I just agreed and let it go.

The comedy show came on and was GREAT!!! we laughed and laughed!

After the show she went to the bathroom and left her phone on the table. I couldn't help myself and was wondering who she was texting the whole time, so I snooped. It was a series of texts to a friend in which she said "I am here at a show with my H and just want to run away!"

After the show we talked to some of the actors and had a great few minutes, then agreed to come home to relieve the babysitter. As soon as we left it was uncomfortable again. We came into the house, sent the babysitter home and separated. She went to watch TV, but instead jumped on the phone. I headed upstairs to post here.

So I am confused and not sure how to react or what to understand....

She is miserable and worried about her mom. but when she is with me -- no pressure, lots of fun, no R talk, on a night that she agreed to -- she "just want's to run away"?

Sorry, I'm confused.

Time and Space...repeat! (or what?)

I really do feel relatively detached - I am not upset right now, just confused and sad. I was in a pretty good mood all night and am still pretty happy with the night and myself - just confused and sad with her reaction. It seems like no matter how I detach or work on myself, she just refuses to face any issues and just wants to run away. I almost feel like just asking -- are you leaving or staying. If you are leaving, then go! If not, then stop running!

Sorry, just ranting and venting because I am confused. I appreciate any light anyone can shed.