I've just caught up in your sitch after been away for a bit. I see that you've had your ups and downs. Looks like your ups have been your jobs and your walking and singing so definitely keep those up as they are giving you self-esteem and endorphin rushes.
Confrontations with H is dragging you down. He is got you on a roller coaster still. His mood is still affecting you. I know it's difficult to detach, I guess that's why you are asking for mediation so you can stop the torture. Hang in there.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09