My first step out of Newcomers

[PositivelyMommy]

Kev,

So sorry the talk did not go well yesterday. Here is my take on the convo, you may not agree but it's just food for thought.

You are asking for another night, your W could be thinking - 'he is trying to control my life'. But in essence, you have a right to ask for time with your son. It's part of the separation, she has to realize the reality of what she has created. But she is fighting because she wants it ALL her way. In order for her to get used to REALITY, you can't back down. If she were seeing a counsellor, the counsellor would tell her that she can't keep Weeman from seeing you, regardless who is the primary carer. In fact, I think you have a right to see him 50% of the time. You may just want to ask a lawyer about that. It's your legal right and your moral right and duty to your son.

So that's why I think she is really against your control over her lift. You two are in essence fighting over control. She sees this as a power struggle. In order for her to change her mind about this, you may need to use tactics to steer her away from this kind of thinking because it's not in the best interest of Weeman. She is trying to control your visits with Weeman because in the past maybe she felt you had controlled her.(?) Maybe that is why she moved out, to get away from being controlled?

Don't know if this rings true at all for you. You may want to talk to DB coach about it.

Pls don't give up because of a setback in negotiations. Don't be like my H and give up because of conflict. Conflict can be a good thing because it opens up communication.

My DB coach said the worse thing is INDIFFERENCE from our spouses, not hate or anger or anything else. The positive here is that she still has strong emotions regarding you, that means she is still connected to you in some way. She has not detached totally and showing indifference.

She doesn't like control, maybe your DB coach can give you some clues on how to turn this sitch around.

Don't take one conflict into 'This will never ever work out because we had a fight. She has no inclination of second thoughts to our marriage.'

Prove the opposite, OK? Here goes, if she is deadset in D, she would have filed papers, served and you would be flying into court. Also, she would be showing total indifference to you, not care about any of your reactions, not talking to you or serving you tea or asking if you have heard rumors about her. That is NOT a sign of a woman who is totally DONE.

Her moving out and not filing means she doesn't know what she wants except to get away. She is stuck at that stage now (same as my H). She does not know what she wants a year from now or two.

Keep showing her the man she can respect. Keep showing her lovable, confident Kev. She fell in love with you once, I am sure she is still carrying a torch for you, it's just dimmed a bit.