Today, more of the same - this time positive. He talked a little more today about feeling good about our talk last night, he explained a little more about how he is catching his negative (knee jerk )reaction to things, more about how he wants to be the person I thought I M., more about his need to be tolerant, and thinking about my kids the way I do because they matter so much to me.
He promised to focus on rebuilding our M and no longer focus on all the other "stuff" he has been arguing about.
Then he admitted he had no right to ask any favors - but he did ask me to be present when he was confirmed in the church. I agreed and he responded by offering to do whatever I want for Easter Day with the kids as a family. Something he suggested be the normal from now on.
My feelings, well just as I was so honest about monitoring my physical reaction to our prior talks, I will continue to be honest now. During our talk, I felt confident and comfortable and compassionate. No more fear. Before we got into the meat of things and then it only stayed the same. Today, it was the same. I started to be concerned when he asked to spend some time together, and to plan some time off together over the summer, he didn't ask about moving in. Big change. He also asked me to let him know whenever I had some free time, and it didn't have to be like before when it was all the time, his words," no more eggs shell walking around him". He also made a big point about speaking up with him knowing how afraid I had become because of his drinking, and learning to be myself again around him.
So, all in all, I have to admit that something feels different. Caution is still in my mind, he has a long way to go with himself, and we still a lot of rebuilding to do. Oh, he also suggested that we consider renewing our vows at some point in future to remember what we said at the beginning. He told me that he still had our wedding program and would read it from time to time. I thought there was something nice about that.
Sounds like a lot going on - it is - but he has been working up to this - I have to admit that holding the line with him really made him reach for his best. I am recalling a few weeks ago when I said I would restart contact and would only respond to the positive signs and shut down the negative ones. Will continue with that thinking.
