Thanks Ali - I'm not sure at all how much more I can hang in there...
I guess like you, I flip-flop on this...
There become points where I think - no more, then something happens that gives me something I think I can work with.
What I have moved into though is a "moving forward" frame of mind , not "moving on".
My door is still open, and the cushions are there, ready and waiting - they just need plumping up a little and the fire is ready to be lit.
I would love to sit down with my W or have the opportunity to get out with my W to see what's still there - or not...
You're right I do love her - I am doing a pretty good job now though of detaching, genuinely giving her space...I have to overlook the fact that shes filling that space with OM - most of the time that washes over me - only when it comes out from H am I floored...thats devastating and knocks me back - but I'm recovering more quickly as time goes on.
Tonight was interesting - at lunchtime W phoned me - I was unable to take the call cos I was in a meeting re the complaints I am having to deal with - earlier post. In all, I think she phoned me 3 times - and on the 3rd occasion left me a message - to explain that the birthday party I was due to take H to on Friday had been cancelled and to offer a re-jigging of our arrangements. I phoned her back when I knew she would have finished teaching. Yesterday when I spoke to her I asked if she would be able to pick up some documentation for the Climbing Bid I'm putting in and so I asked also if it would be OK to call round to pick it up - so I headed "home" after work. Well, that should have been a quick iin and out - but while I was there - she says - would you mind looking at the internet connection - it keeps dropping and I can't get on the net - which she needs to sort out some work stuff - so I fix that...and we have a nice bit of banter and also I got to see H - albeit too briefly. And also - somehow I now have her hoover to fix!!! Apparently - it is now bust cos I used it to help clear up after sweeping the chimney!!! So thats my fault too!
C'mon OM - why don't you step in and help with this stuff? What am I - the handyman??? But I guess OM just does cooking, wine, candles and sex.
H hugged me like he was never going to let go...
Good news - though - he's spending most of the w/e with me - and we have a full programme planned!!!
W was going away this w/e biking - but has decided to scrub that in view of the need to sort her head out re job. I offered for us to do something together - with H. No pressure or expectations in my mind - but H would appreciate that I think - he's struggling with things at the moment - he can be read like a book...
Oh - and other interesting observation - this may be something or nothing - the USB stick I sorted out for W with songs at Christmas - I put a lot of work into that - hours and hours and hours...that was plugged into her sound system. I'm not thinking that that means she is having any thoughts of me - or that those songs are hitting a chord in any way - but I am pleased that she's listening to them - at the very least I managed to put together a collection she likes...and its not been consigned to the back of the drawer!
