<remains noticeably silent as you seem to have figured it out>
Yep, you carried on even though you should have stopped.
How come you have so much time at work? Shouldn't you be, you know - working? Finances. DB posting. Talking to friends? How do I get a job like that?
Wait... I may do have a job like that, huh?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
You still have to work on you. Very much and very hard. Don't miss this opportunity in your life to work on you.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
But men don't always care because you're the mother of his child. Me for example. I don't care about my wife just because she's the mother of my wonderful children. In fact, if it came to it, I may not care about her one day even though she'll remain the mother of my children. Just so you know. It's not about that. He doesn't think like you do. You wouldn't want him to.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm going to call BS. You will always care about your W for the simple fact she is your children's mother.....my maid of honor....her parents HATED each other when they divorced. But not too long ago, her father said he would always care about his ex because she gave him three beautiful children and if she were falling off a cliff, first he'd laugh and then help her up. But then again you are a man and once my H said at the beginning of all of this that our "connection went beyond S". So maybe you're right. Or maybe it's somewhere in between.
There's a difference between love and hate. It's very fine. It's not because he's the baby-momma that he'd help her up. It's because he's still in love with her. He expresses it as because she gave him three beautiful children to make the kids feel special and to take away his pain and hurt.
No BS. She's the baby-mamma because he loved/loves her. He just can't be with her. His choice or hers I do not know but he does love her even if he can't stand to be around her.
Your H's connection with you is there. He cares for his S. He does. He has to talk to you because of S. But he seems to be using it as an excuse to get near you and watch. He wants to know you're changing (you are) and that those changes are permanent.
Work on you. Do it. Don't wait. Do it now.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AHHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHHAHAHHA!!! You know what that means. So today H calls to ask how the "I'm turning down the job" phone call went. We talked for a few minutes, he was having a long work day and he was still working, so I told him to call me when he was done and if he wanted to grab dinner, we could do that. He said "Sounds good." He gets done, calls me, we meet for dinner. He starts off in a foul foul mood. He said something about "Everyone needs to leave me alone, I just need a break." I jokingly asked if he wanted us to leave, me and S. H said "Naw, I want to hang out with S.....and you're ok too." And he gives me a smile with a wink. Over dinner, and a beer for him, I got him to relax, smile more, tell me what was really bothering him. (Basically people yelling at him about things out of his control and all he can do is take the yelling with a smile, a fake one, but a smile still.) I asked jokingly "Do you want to go to Walmart and get some boxing gloves and we'll box later, work it all out?" He says "Nay, I'd rather ML." BIG Smile, Big Wink, followed up with some eyebrow raises. I smiled but ignored him and just kept talking. I told him about some funny things at work for me today and it was all just very light on my side. When we were leaving I asked "Do you want us to come home with you and we can watch a movie or whatever....?" He said "I don't know.....I know I don't want to make decisions anymore." He then puts his head on my shoulder, so I wrapped my arms around him and said "It's all better after a few drinks, a relaxing night, catching up on TV and a really really good night sleep." So I told him to head home and relax and he said "Ok, we'll see what tomorrow brings...." Then he loaded up S and I came to my Girlfriend/Roommates place. And so far, no contact. Not one mention of anything dangerous or now off limits. All very light and he started off in a FOUL ROTTEN mood and by the time we said bye, he was smiling again, more relaxed. I hope I had more to do with it than the two beers. I also think he and ex-OW had very little to nothing to say to each other today. Oddly enough, I feel bad that his heart is probably a little sore over that. But a damn good day. AND an old friend found me in a new way.....very very excited about that. I can't explain why, but it's very cool.
Let me recap: NO R talk. NO stress. The ex-OW meant nothing to him. Never did. Is gone. You CAN have a conversation with him that is relaxing (good show).
Now. If he sticks to the script, he may be in a foul mood again or very stand offish. That's normal when feeding wild animals and dealing with WAS. Their feelings have been crushed and they just don't know what else to do. They'll lash out and try to bite. Don't be alarmed. Don't let it make you mad or discouraged. Handle it the EXACT_SAME_WAY you did for dinner. Light. Cheery. Relaxing.
Somebody else mentioned that if you let the WAS see you suffer, they have all the control and oddly enough, that stresses them even more driving them even farther away.
It's all an act anyway, right?
Keep it up. Woo-hoo!
<chants>PMA. PMA. PMA. PMA.
Do NOT forget to work on you. Be the change you want to see in the world, young lady. Do it. Now. Go. <please? For you?>
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
