On the other hand: so far she has refused to change her phone,even though I bought a new sim card the day after she came back. I've been waiting patiently, had a few conversations about this always ending with the same result: it's sooooo inconvienient for her... Back in my head I always have this fear that she's not completely through with OM yet. Yesterday I asked her about this: she admited that they've been texting to each other and that it's been very hard on her because she's emotionaly attached. Once again I swallowed my pride and once again told her that in order for our marriage to be back on track, he needs to be out of the picture. The only way to do that is to completely cut himout of our life; change this damn phone and email... We can not go through with this M and fix it if she's not fully commited. She can't keep him on the side just in case things will not work out!Looks like she got it but for how long this time?
Told her that understand how difficult it's for her and appreciate her efforts but asked her how would she feel I she was in my shoes...
After a moment of silence she admited that she needs outside help, that she doesn't know what to do and how to get out of this vicious circle.
Committed,
She may or may not need outside help. But what she IMMEDIATELY needs to do is agree to TOTAL TRANSPARENCY, and that starts with her cellphone. You let her waffle on this, and now it's bitten you in the ass and she's still not gone thru withdrawal from this guy and more than a month has been wasted.
EVERY time she has contact with OM -- even if it's just a text message -- the withdrawal "clock" starts back at 0:00.
This is why I like to recommend to betrayed spouses GOING IN to a reconciliation, while there's no gun to their heads, "Sit down and decide now how many 'strikes' you're going to allow -- what is your boundary."
Zero? One, but only if self-confessed? One even if it's discovered by you? Two? More?
Mine would be (and was) the "One, but only if self-confessed," which my wife did, but everyone is different. But WHATEVER your boundary is, YOU NEED TO ENFORCE IT -- NOW.
I would ask her one final time to change her cellphone, with detailed billing set up to come to you, and I would give her exactly one hour to decide. Is this "mean" or "controlling"?? Nope: this is your BOUNDARY, and this is the "help" she said she needed.
She is addicted. Time to help the addict by removing the source of her addiction, NOW.
