In my situation she met an old friend on facebook (Aug 08), was most likely an EA until mid Nov 08. She moved out for atrial separation on Nov 2, 08, was talking divorce in Dec, served me Feb 18, 09. I now have confirmation of the OM, he's from British columbia, Canada (We're in Alberta), he came out for the winter to work in the oil patch. He and his common-law wife run a small resort in the interior of BC. I suspect he saw my wife as a winter fling, but she fell hard. Now he's gone home to the resort, and this weekend she dropped everything and went out there (lied to boss, friends etc about where she was going). I think she and the wife may have gotten into it, but not sure.
My question is, is it normal for someone in love with the fling to rush the divorce to be with them? And if she is rejected, (I suspect the wife has majority ownership in the resort), what are the most likely repercussions ican expect?
In Canada you have to be separated for a year for the no-contest divorce she wants. She also wants to do collaborative (I susoect she's scared of being exposed in court). we haven't even been sparated for 6 mos, and she's already decided she's moving closer to him etc. There is a history of mental problems on her mother's side as well (bipolar disorder in Mother, grnadmother and 1 aunt), father is a recovering alcoholic with serious control issues.
Me: 36 years old 1st marriage Wife: 40 years old second marriage S: 12 D: 6 Status: Separated Nov 2/08, Served papers Feb 18/09. PA confirmed 03/09 Custody: 1 week on, 1 week off, wife wants sole.
PS, I have hotel receipts, gas receipts, a witness, and first hand sight to prove it's a PA as far back as mid-Jan. Mediated trial separation expired on Jan 31, statement of claim was dated Feb 4, served Feb 18 (tried to get my friends to serve me). The hotel receipts etc are dated Feb 8, 09
Me: 36 years old 1st marriage Wife: 40 years old second marriage S: 12 D: 6 Status: Separated Nov 2/08, Served papers Feb 18/09. PA confirmed 03/09 Custody: 1 week on, 1 week off, wife wants sole.
My guess is that she's rushing the divorce because either:
a) OM is putting pressure on her (unlikely); or
b) she is trying to maintain some sort of personal boundary by not sleeping with him again until she's divorced; maybe she's ridden with guilt about doing it once (or more) already?
c) her marriage to you really has been that awful (was it?)
Usually, it's either "a" or "b." Most do not rush to D this quickly -- most waffle and just throw the threat around a lot -- but off the top of my head I'd say maybe 20% do?
She's 40. I'm thinking also she could be going through some kind of MLC. I know my H had a def. plan I think laid out re: separation and divorce, and I think he's in MLC also. I heard many times that divorce was going to make our lives perfect, I'd be better off, the kids, etc. I think as it works out though a little bit of reality slowly sinks in b/c they're maybe kind of in a fantasy state about how life with the OP will be perfect. But the OP's are usually kind of messed up so don't think that often happens like they imagine. Karen
She's often commented about how worried she was turning 40. So it's possible. PDT, I think the B is most likely. She made a comment in Jan when i asked if the marriage means so little, she'd throw it away like this, her response was "It's because marriage is so important that I'm doing this". We didn't have a perfect marriage by any means, but nothing to justify this (in my mind). I'm a rather large man, but the males in my family are considerably bigger, and we live in a small farming town. I'd be more scared of my brothers and father than the law if I ever hurt my wife. There's no addiction, (except maybe ATV's and horseback riding), I build model airplanes (yes you read that right) for my indoor hobby. I'm a consultant in the oilfield, and work away occasionally, yet still get most weekends and nights home, the kids were always happy to see me, she always seemed glad I was home. I always asked if I could help with supper, Always did dishes etc. the day before she left, i was planning her 40th birthday party, had the hall booke dand everything. I was even going to invite this guy (I believed the friends line at the time). We even said our I love you's the night before.
Of course all the naysayers are coming up to me with the "we saw this coming last year" or "she's been palnning this since she got pregnant 12 years ago" We had arguments and often fired little snips back and forth at parties etc, but never anything I thought was this bad. We went to a counsellor a few years back and she continued to see him on and off until Oct when he lost his license and was fined. And she is in a new age self-help group called the "woman within" it's the sister group to the mankind project (got to forum.rickross.com for info). they preach ultra-feminism "your husbands can't be trusted", and sacred masculinity (?)"your wives must never find out what happens on our weekends" type BS. Sweatlodges, sleep deprivation etc, but she had quit the group prior to leaving (she's apparently returned now).
I'm not sure, it's all happening so fast and so utterly random. All I know is, it feels right in my heart to fight for this, and the worst is most likely yet to come.
Me: 36 years old 1st marriage Wife: 40 years old second marriage S: 12 D: 6 Status: Separated Nov 2/08, Served papers Feb 18/09. PA confirmed 03/09 Custody: 1 week on, 1 week off, wife wants sole.
So I got a letter from my lawyer yesterday saying there's been a change in my file. I called but he hasn't called me back yet. W sent a nastygram email about talking to her family and the other wife about her activities and demanding I stop on Sat, but the Lawyer's Letter is dated on Friday.
We talked briefly on Tuesday about the kids. She flew out to the coast Fri-Mon (good thing she's so broke), told her boss she was going to one city, her sister another, and I suspect she followed OM to yet a third (I think she was confronted by the wife but no proof).
I'm doing better with the detaching ang GAL, but there are still times I miss talking to her so much. The kids are with me for the rest of the week then off to her place for a week (that's always hard). I've fallen off the high road occasionally, but for the most part am sticking to it.
Here's hoping she starts to do some soul searching soon.
Me: 36 years old 1st marriage Wife: 40 years old second marriage S: 12 D: 6 Status: Separated Nov 2/08, Served papers Feb 18/09. PA confirmed 03/09 Custody: 1 week on, 1 week off, wife wants sole.
Hi sweet, and WHY would you give her an uncontested D, especially with kids? Does she plan on moving the kids away? Or is she going to abandon them to follow her heart?
EVERYONE has issues in their M but you work on them not run away and have an A. The BS do inventory and make changes to ourselves but the WS move on and change nothing and that is why the track record is so bad for these R to last.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi sweet, and WHY would you give her an uncontested D, especially with kids? Does she plan on moving the kids away? Or is she going to abandon them to follow her heart?
EVERYONE has issues in their M but you work on them not run away and have an A. The BS do inventory and make changes to ourselves but the WS move on and change nothing and that is why the track record is so bad for these R to last.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hi sweet, and WHY would you give her an uncontested D, especially with kids? Does she plan on moving the kids away? Or is she going to abandon them to follow her heart?
EVERYONE has issues in their M but you work on them not run away and have an A. The BS do inventory and make changes to ourselves but the WS move on and change nothing and that is why the track record is so bad for these R to last.
I agree with you, Hope, and I advised him NOT to EVER go uncontested when there is active adultery going on. Not sure what he's thinking here . . .
